What’s tiring for me?
To be writing like this… to play ping-pong with my mind… it’s gotten to the point, I can see how, some people might even try to start mimicking you, when they talk to me. Except I’ll be in character, and the dynamic wouldn’t make any sense.
Hmmm… yeah… that point is valid… I think you’re intuitive enough to know what’s going on and adapt to whatever curveballs they throw… in terms of me, and if I’m tired by your thoughts… no, not exactly… however, yes, it does take up energy.
Like right now, I’m writing. I have a few drafts. I have a few revisions.
I’m just starting to remember how it all was…
I haven’t yet “adopted” that flow in the way I am in real life, though… It would be different. I have no idea how it’s going to go.
I don’t think I’m this… “reactive” in real life at all. Not these days. Not anymore.
But I remember how you liked to “poke” me… with your cheeky way of saying things. Are you even that cheeky boy anymore? Maybe you are very, very “SERIOUS MILLENNIAL MAN” — maybe you just sit in front of the TV watching news to wind down for the evening. Maybe you don’t even have energy for… (all the sexxxy things!) anymore! (Gasp!)
And maybe I don’t, either? Maybe it’s sexier in writing. I don’t know for sure.
Am I looking for comfort? Am I looking for partnership?
I wasn’t “looking” at all — when you appeared…
I was really planning to simply accept that, I wasn’t compatible with anyone. I was all good on my own… I forgot who you were, sort of… At least, I didn’t hold onto any “hope”… I really thought, you’ll move on. With someone prettier, skinnier, younger, more successful — easily.
I really, really thought that was possible.
It IS possible… but it’s not what I WANT.
Okay then. So… if I am what you want, who you want, then, yes I’m yours. It takes up energy, mental energy… but it’s not “tiring” — not like how you’re implying. I’ll take my naps. I’ll drink water, take my vitamins. I’ll be self-monitoring all the time, as well.
I have my toolkits. I have my coping exercises.
I know you know all this. When I think about it, sometimes I wonder, do I even need to say anything or has he been lurking on my private Instagram as well? Even “Close Friends” list? Are you one of my close friends, “incognito” — ? (Smiles)
See? And I’m not judging. I’m not judging that, only because it is you.
Anyone else?! Fuck off. Please. Leave me alone.
Virgo Sun Pisces Moon 