How what?
You never explained “how” you forgot about me.
(This is a really big sigh type of sighing…)
I think I just, disassociated…
Disassociated?
Yeah… maybe…
No. That wasn’t it.
No? How do you know?
Because I felt the difference. There’s a difference when you’re disassociating — like at work, you need to be in “work mode” — and when… something else has happened.
What happened?
I don’t know… are you able to tell me? Or this blog…? In this form…? In metaphors? Surrealist imagery? Truth fudgeries?
(LOL)… Am I able to do it…?
Or, it’s for the next book? Are you writing more than one book?
HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAAH…
You’ve written the first one. It ended in the previous post.
Did it?
Yes. That was it. It was good. Leave a little bit of mystery. But now what?
(Big sighs)…
Was there someone else? Or the dream of someone else?
There was always the dream of Anu. ALWAYS…
No. There was someone else.
No there wasn’t.
Are we fighting on here, like this?
Maybe… what are you accusing me of?
(Really thinking about it now…) I’m not sure. There were rumours.
Rumours?
Rumours from the mutual friends, that you’d moved on. Very quickly, with someone else.
How would they know? How would they know what was in my heart?
I felt the shift. I felt your energies, closed off.
You did?
Yes.
How do you know the energies closed off due to a new potential romantic suitor?
(Thinking about this)… I don’t know for sure.
Exactly. So it’s all in the past, now.
What happened?
What? When?
Towards the end of your stay in Melbourne…
I don’t remember, exactly… my Mum came down. She helped me moved back to Gold Coast… we went to… a Buddhist place… on Collins St? I think…? We had lunch at that restaurant… I felt more peaceful with the Buddhist place. It was serene. I felt, that, that was were I was supposed to be. With the Buddhist path.
Why? Why isn’t it ever, with me?
I don’t know, baby… I really, don’t know how else to answer this. I’ve been raised with this Dharma. I’ve been… grown as a human being — literally, in the womb — with this Dharma. My mother prayed and prayed to Kuan Yin Bodhisattva for my birthing.
You’re not a Demon. You didn’t get born as a Demonic beast in human form.
LOL… you’re exaggerating, characterising your physical body as if it’s some beast.
It is… and my parents didn’t pray for me. So there I was, born into this world, a beast. A monster. Unloved. Unwanted.
You don’t know that you were unwanted.
I do. I felt it every day. I was unwanted.
So, why do you love me? If you know that… I DO love you? I do want the BEST for you? That I have, LOVE for you? If rejection is all that you’ve ever been used to? Why did you fall for me? When all I have, all I ever gave — was genuine, UNCONDITIONAL LOVE to you?
(Really… trying to think about this)… … … … … … …
Maybe… maybe my Mother did, once, love me?
Of course, she did. I don’t even know what happened. But I know, she did.
Why would you, have blind faith, that all Mothers love their children?
Don’t even fucking start this conversation… let’s say, it’s a biological chemical reaction.
Is it?
Yes. Prolactin? Something like that? Some chemical that gets formed… when breast milk is activated? Or something… something…? I don’t know the details… but there’s some BIOLOGICAL explanation…?
(Hmmph)… biological explanation.
Yeah. And you’re an Atheist. It is that simple. A chemical reaction.
So, sometimes, when she hugged me — she meant it?
Yes. She would have meant it. She would have loved you, sincerely. As a mother. As all mothers. Protective. Loving. Nurturing.
I don’t really care about that now. I’m not “longing” for my mother when I think about you. It’s different.
It is different. Romantic love is different.
Yes. I feel that difference.
Good! Phew~ We didn’t have to go there with Oedipus…
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH… See?!?!? THAT’S WHY I LOVE YOU.
Which… me?
What do you mean?
Which me? Me now? Me in early 2000s? Which me do you love?
All of you. And All of me.
Stop quoting songs written by other artists!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH…
Virgo Sun Pisces Moon 