Virgo Sun Pisces Moon

I’m not… intimidated by Anu…

Good. He wouldn’t want you to feel intimidated.

The other characters, they’re too… “pretty”… and I find it intimidating.

Well, you’ll never have to see them in real life. He doesn’t take the glamour team with him to Gold Coast.

That’s good… so Anu can exist without a glamour team?

Of course! Anu’s the most low effort, even lower effort than Mr Incognito.

That’s surprising. I thought Mr Incognito was the natural form.

No. Mr Incognito is around, daily, but he’s not the natural form. Nobody really sees Mr Incognito, except Anu.

You mean, Anu feels more natural. Mr Incognito is just… “in the way” of feeling normal.

Yes.

But sometimes, I’ll just suddenly wake up, and I’ll turn around, and it’s Mr Incognito, it’s not Anu.

It would be rare. But in those moments, please, do not “wake up” Mr Incognito. He is a sleeping giant.

But I would want to like, lay my head on his chest… wrap his arms around my arms…

No. Only do that with Anu!

Whyyyyyy?!?!?!?!?!

(Big sigh) — it would feel like you’re cheating on Anu.

NOOOOOO you’re being dramatic!

Yes. No I’m not. It’s not dramatic. Mr Incognito is NOT ALLOWED. He’s like a disease. He’s just there. But if you happen to suddenly wake up, and he’s there. Don’t interact with him. Close your eyes, go back to sleep.

(Big sighs)… what if I have a nightmare and I need to talk to Anu?

Then, grab his glasses. Gently wake up Mr Incognito, and say, “I need to talk to Anu.” Then, Anu will grab his glasses, and he’ll be there.

The shell will be Mr Incognito, but Anu will be there?

Yes. With the glasses on. Mr Incognito never wears glasses. He hates them. Only sunglasses, when he is out in public.

Okay. Yeah, that makes sense.

It won’t happen often.

How do you know?

Because Anu is going to make sure that you don’t have nightmares. Anu will hold you until you fall asleep, peacefully. No nightmares.

Then Anu will go into the bathroom to take off his contact lenses and become Mr Incognito and fall asleep himself?

… Yes…

Isn’t that… a lot of effort? For Anu?

It’ll be worth it. He loves you.

So I’ll only meet Mr Incognito once, at our Honeymoon?

No. Not really… that won’t be Mr Incognito.

Then, who will that be?

That will be me. Us. When I’m conscious of all these facets of me. And I’m comfortable enough. Just once. Integrated. In the Honeymoon setting. Yes, I can feel it’s possible… but… I don’t see it happening at any other time other than the Honeymoon, when I’m fully relaxed. When there’s no other “life stuff” causing background anxieties.

Oh, I see… so I haven’t truly met you yet.

No… never… you get to hear these thoughts. And sometimes, I’m in the narratives here, as “I”… but no. I’m not around that much in real life.

You and all your faces…

Yes.

Will I ever learn more… about, say, your chilldhood? Things that happened?

Yes… in time… it will take a long time.

Is it like… Tom Holland… A Crowded Room?

No.

Oh?

No. It’s not violent like that.

Oh. That’s a relief.

Yeah. It’s a relief. We’re not that bad.

It’s more of a self-esteem issue.

Right… I can… understand that…

You’ll never truly understand. Nobody truly understands. Not even the rare, few others, who have a similar medical condition. Because we live such different lives. We are born of different cultures. Nobody ever truly understands.

Okay… you feel… alone, in those experiences.

Yes. Very alone. Always.

So… why do I make you feel less lonely?

I’m not sure… I think I just like having you around because you’re pretty (sheepish grin)…

I think there’s something in the way you’ve talked about your childhood… it’s… not the same, but… the way you talk about… “Don’t make your kids lie… don’t take away their innocence so early…” That really struck me… in a way, I think… there’s something there, in your wounded child. I can’t pin point it, either. Maybe I don’t have enough information.

Yeah… you don’t have ALL that information at this time…

(Nodding) Maybe I’m really shallow. Maybe I just like your body.

(Laughing) No… I don’t think so…

Good. Because that’s not my Truth. But it’ll be easy for others who don’t understand, to keep repeating that narrative as their projection of “my truth” —

Yeah. Sometimes I look in the mirror and I feel like, “This blob… how is he attracted to THIS?!” But when I think of Anu… I can believe it more. I can believe, “Oh yeah, Anu likes this.”

(Smiling, really big now) That’s good. Anu feels very comforted by those words. He wants to be the reason you feel that inner confidence. He wants you to see how beautiful you are.

(Big smiles and hugs)

Do you love Anu, as he is? Just as he is?

Yes. I do.

Do you think… you’ll still love him, if he was richer? Poorer? Sicker? Healthier? Older?

Yes…

Anu wants to grow old with you.

I would, also, like that too.

…

Anu wrote the song you’re listening to right now.

I know… I can hear the difference.

The characters channelled that really well. Nobody suspects it was Anu.

Yeah… they did a good job… it’s been a popular song.

(Smiles)

…

Why did you reject “Anu” — when he was first mentioned?

Because I was so young and immature…

And…?

We had this conversation. “Anu?! A-N-U? Like Australian National University?!?! LOL”…

Yeah. And?

It reminded me of someone else…

Who?

(LOL) — I DON’T WANT TO WRITE ABOUT IT ON THIS BLOG!

Tell us! Tell me… “Please,” says Anu.

How do I say this…

Take your time…

*SIGH*……………………………………………..

(Raised eyebrow)… Who? Are you going to be reminded of him, every time you say the name Anu?

I don’t know either. Maybe just… initially… it’s weird… like… yes and no?

Why?

Because… he went to A.N.U…………..

He went to ANU? Australian National University? In Canberra?

Yes.

(Weird expression)…

What are you thinking?

I’m rewinding the tapes… who went to ANU?

… Nobody that is friends with your older brother’s group of the mutual friends…

Oh? How did you meet?

Through the media girls… not your brother’s friends…

This is new information for me. As I’m reading this blog.

Yes. It is.

What happened with him?

Nothing.

… nothing…?

Really! NOTHING!

If nothing happened, why do you think about him when you think about “ANU”?

Because… he treated me like a gentleman. So nothing happened.

Oh?

He could’ve been a trainwreck. He wasn’t a trainwreck. He treated me like a gentleman. And he was celebrated. Not too dissimilar to your current situation.

My current situation?

He had his fans.

Oh? Way back in the early 2000s?

Yes. He was a bigger star than you at the time. You were nobody. He was more famous…

He was “famous” –?

Sort of… yes… as famous as… (redacted details) is gonna get…

Who, of the mutual friends, would know him? Like, now? Who would remember who you’re talking about.

(SIGH)… my housemate? In Carlton?

Okay. Good to know…

Oh please, are you going to do some investigation?

Yes.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAAHAHAHAHAHA…

Is he taller than me?

Yes.

Does he have muscles?

Yes. (Chuckles)

Huh…. and then, what happened?

NOTHING. I think he’s married now?! I don’t know. He was a gentleman, and I didn’t do anything! He’s NOT my Soul Mate — I don’t think we could even hold a proper conversation?!

So he went to ANU… but you couldn’t even hold a proper conversation? ANU guys are pretty smart.

Yeah. We couldn’t. We weren’t compatible in that way.

(Nodding)… (big sighs)… Okay. I don’t think I’m jealous of him.

Why?

Because… if he was famous… he was suffering. And, I think he probably… saw your innocence, and liked it…

LOL. I don’t know about that.

I do.

…

So, you’re still comfortable as Anu? You’re okay sharing a name, with a memory? Of a guy at ANU?

Yes. I think it’s alright… I have a feeling… you’ll tell me a lot more, in real life.

Yes. There’s way more to talk about in real life. From my perspective. Nothing to do with that person — as he exists, now. It’s got nothing to do with that.

Right… (Curious)… how would he compare… to the characters?

(LOL)…………………. I honestly don’t know… ummm… if he wanted to, he could get himself on People Magazine’s Sexiest Men of the Year.

FUCK! WHAT?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!?

(Cackling) This is so funny…

WHAT?!?!?!?!?!?!?! PEOPLE MAGAZINE’S SEXIEST MEN OF YEAR?!?!?!?!?!?!?!

He didn’t get that title… he didn’t want it… I don’t think? I don’t know. We really didn’t even stay in touch as friends.

Oh… you broke his heart.

What?!?! NO I DIDN’T.

Yes, you did.

NO…. I DID NOT……

Yesssssss… You have NO IDEA… how much you can HUMBLE a successful man’s EGO.

NOOOOOOOOOO….

Yes… You did that. He was a gentleman, and nothing happened. You broke his heart. He left.

(Still taken aback)

It’s okay. I’m not mad.

Good…? You shouldn’t be…?

I feel… a comradery with him…

Why?

Because… it’s a famous people thing.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHA…

…

Was he Australian? or Asian?

That’s too many details for this public blog.

Why?

Because… it is… let’s just keep things vague.

I feel like there’s an implication here, that there’s more to tell me… in real life?

Yes.

Tell me more! Now!!! PLEASE.

(SIGH)

There was another… equivalent… at a fashion party… in Melbourne.

Oh? A fashion party? You got into a fashion party? How old were you?

Nineteen.

What was a 19-year-old doing at a fashion party in Melbourne?

LOL…

I’m serious now. What the HELL was a 19 year old, doing at a fashion party in MELBOURNE?

We’re not talking about it on this blog.

Your innocence… they were like moths to a flame.

… Maybe…? Maybe…

I can envision it. I can see it. FUCK. I hate men!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA…. Nothing happened.

Really?

Yes. I had other friends with me. One girl, especially, who said, “I’m not getting good vibes, let’s go.” And we did.

Oh?

Yes. We left the party early. Nothing happened.

That’s a really, REALLY BIG RELIEF.

Yeah. It is… in hindsight… some kind of… Universal protection or something. My guardian angels? I don’t know…

Wow… God saved you at that fashion party.

No, that girl friend… she’s a good friend… we don’t talk much these days, but… I feel like I can message her any time of any day, if I was ever in real danger, in real need, she’ll be a helpful friend.

That’s good. It’s good to have those kinds of friends.

Yes.

And she was in the fashion industry?

Yes. But not anymore. She left.

Okay… Cool… I love learning all these histories about you.

There’s just not that much to say. There was like, one photo in a magazine — a social kind of page, back then. It’s not really me. I don’t care about being part of that scene. I had a tiny taste of it at nineteen already.

(Smiling)