Virgo Sun Pisces Moon

I need my mother to stop. Judging. Every fucking thing.

In a conversation with the plumbing company receptionist yesterday. I’m just being my usual friendly self. And she’s judging me for it. She’s saying I’m not very smart, I’m going to get ripped off.

Then why didn’t she make that phone call herself? Why do I have to make a phone call like her? I don’t WANT to talk to people the way she does.

I think she’s a fucking BITCH sometimes with the way she fucking scrutinises every detail. She lives her life so unhappily. 

She tries to claw at you like those crabs 🦀 in a pot, love. She’s not able to feel genuine happiness for u. She might be a Narcissistic mother.

Are u okay with that? Are u okay with marrying into a family where the mother-in-law can be fucking TOXIC?

I’m okay babe. I’ve had decades to mentally prepare myself.

I don’t want to disrespect her but my priority is you and your happiness.  Your mental health. Your peace of mind. I wouldn’t give her a dime if you didn’t want me to. I wouldn’t give a fuck, whatever happens to her in her life.

Do u know, I have cousins, who are estranged from their mothers, my Aunties. Actual Aunties relatives.

I would support you if you wanted to do that too. I’m not gonna outright try to steer you one way or another. But whatever you want, babe.

If you’re healing your relationship with her, I’m here for that. If you just can’t take it anymore, you wanna leave her and we just live our lives, I’m here for that too!

I don’t know why I didn’t even dream about it and only now at 4:30 am the anger is arising out of me. I didn’t even react to her in the moment. She’s like a toxic customer, I’ve trained my body, my facial expressions to not react in the moment.

And now, I am like, wait a fucking moment.

I didn’t do anything wrong. What the FUCK is wrong WITH HER?!

It’s like she’s getting a dopamine rush from PUTTING ME DOWN.

That is the toxicity of spending TOO MUCH TIME with her!

Small doses is okay. Going to work, going to class. I gotta run. She leaves me alone.

But when she starts encroaching on my aura, “why did u say that on the phone to them like that?” — why the fuck not? I’M LITERALLY BEING MYSELF. IT WASN’T THAT DEEP. YOU’RE MOCKING ME FOR BEING WHO I ACTUALLY AM.

I didn’t have a script. I’m just a customer to a plumbing company. I’m just being me. There’s a receptionist on the other side of this phone call. She’s a HUMAN BEING.

You’re MOCKING ME and JUDGING ME for showing my HUMANITY?!?!?!?

(Chuckles) what actually happened in this phone call?

I’ll tell u one day in person. It’s not even that deep. Which is also why — she needs to know her boundaries. It’s not that deep. It’s not a dire situation of a phone call. Her reaction was completely disproportionate to the situation.

And — she was always already like this.

But now she is on other medication for other things, where the side effects EXASPERATES THIS.

Sigh… that doesn’t sound good…

It’s not but it’s her reality with her age and circumstances. We’ve already had doctors’ second opinions, third opinions, it is what it is…

I see …

I just need you to know. I love myself these days. And I won’t accept people like my mother trying to put me down. I also don’t appreciate coworkers, friends, customers or anyone throwing similar types of “sarcastic” jokes my way.

I’ve been working on my self-esteem and separation from my mother’s opinions about me all these years. I’m not about to undo all that self-growth.

It still hurts. But it’s part of my journey.

🥺 Babe, I didn’t know it hurts you…

Of course it hurts. Do u know how many planets I have in Leo?!

You have Leo Rising, Leo Mars, Venus and Mercury.

Exactly. I do take pride in myself with the way I conduct myself with certain things. I don’t appreciate being mocked or criticised for it. I’m not trying to be arrogant.

I’m literally just going thru the motions of being oldest and only daughter obligated to help this fucking old house and the fucking plumbing problems, like what the fuck?! Why am I being attacked for even helping?! I could’ve been like my other cousins years ago and said “fuck this shit. Fuck this family. Goodbye. I’ll never talk to u again cos ur fucking TOXIC.”

Wow that really happened with ur cousins?

Sigh. Some other cousins.

These are not the cousins who are politicians?

My parents, on both sides, have many siblings. I have a lot of cousins and Uncles and Aunties.

Lol… 😅

Okay my point is.

She doesn’t love u the way I do.

No, of course not. Ur my HUSBAND.

No but even taking anything sexual or romantic out of the equation, she doesn’t love u unconditionally. It’s always conditional based on her conditions. I can relate because I’ve been thru the same with MY parents. Except I realised from a much, much younger age than u right now.

Is it a cultural thing?

I don’t know. But I think there are more Narcissistic parents than society acknowledges. Because Narcissists will have kids to feel like they’ve ticked off a box. For showing off. To brag about their kids achievements.

Sigh…

Do ur parents brag about u?

**No 🤣 I’m still not worth bragging. It’s older brother they brag about!!!**

Oh yeah that’s true… he’s definitely the favourite…

He is!!! They don’t give a fuck about me! They’re happy I’m making money and staying busy with my career, staying out of trouble. They’re relieved I’m not a criminal or anything dodgy!

🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 lol… that was their bar for u?

Yes!!! 🤣🤣🤣

Sigh. Well… I just want u to know that u will never impress my mother and please don’t beat urself up trying.

I literally don’t give a fuck. I want to impress YOU. And if that means going along with whatever with ur Mum, that’s fine. But it’s all FOR YOU. It has nothing to do with her. She’s literally not on my radar. Everything is in relation to YOU and how it affects YOU.

YOU are my priority.

🥰🥰🥰🥰🥰 I love to hear that so much…

It is such a strain to live with someone you don’t love.

Yeah. Same with my housemates. The bros. We just need our own space at times to fill our own cups.

Yes…

You’re the water for my cup.

🥹❤️ That’s so romantic… ur the water for mine as well 🥰🥰🥰

Hug hugs kiss kiss cuddle cuddle 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗💕💕💕💕💕💕💕💕😘😘😘😘😘🔥😘🔥💋💋💋💋💋💋❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥