👀 Ur not falling back to sleep?
Mmm… I just scrolled a little bit… I might still shut my eyes a bit after I post this!
What did u see in ur scrolling?
I don’t know why u have some whiny fans… and they’re comparing u recently to… u in the past… maybe more than a few years ago…? 😅
That’s okay, I’ve seen those…
What do you think of those?
I agree I’ve changed. Even before Fernando appeared…
And?
It’s not sustainable. I can’t be that other guy forever… also he was a mess inside. He was so fucked up.
Did he miss me???
Yes — but he was doing it self-destructively.
But they just thought he looked hot…
Do you think he looked hot?
He still looks too young for me. He doesn’t look over 18 even if he was technically over 18… he barely looks over 21…
I think he looks about 21… I think that is the “peak” that they miss…
So…? Does that bother you?
Not at all!!! 🤣 There are other 21 yr old guys they can look at! And I’m sure they’ve already moved on to those. The numbers already show it. The fans are dispersing. The newer and shinier guys on the scenes are grabbing their attention. They want those guys — that template!
The template?
(Nodding) I’m not that kinda guy anymore. And I’m not trying to be.
I never got to experience that guy much, did I?
U rejected him…
Did I?! 🤔
We made out in the park but then the next day you said we should just be friends…
Oh… because he kissed me but it tasted like CIGARETTES 🚬!!!!!!!! 🤢 I wanted to enjoy the kiss but I couldn’t!!!! 😣😣😣
Is that what happened???
Yes… 😳
😏 well I’ve quit for a long time now… only the occasional vape…
Good… I’ve never kissed a Vaper before… but I’m gonna assume it won’t taste like cigarettes 😅
Fingers crossed… now you’ve given me a new insecurity again… 😅 now I have to weigh up to vape or not vape with our dates…
Lol just vape and I’ll tell you how it tastes… 🤣🤭💕
Really? You don’t mind?
We’ll see… 👀
If I do mind, I’ll be honest about it this time. It won’t be a deal breaker. I won’t say “we should just be friends” after our next kiss. I promise.
There’s no real deal breakers — unless you like, have to go to jail or something, you know, if you commit real crimes!
😅😅😅 I’m not doing stuff like that!
Yeah. So there shouldn’t be any real deal breakers… we will communicate…
I won’t give up on us this time…
🥺🥺🥺 really???
Mmmhmm… I’m pretty sure of it… 🥰💕
I wanna hug u right now!
🥰🥰🥰💕💕💕
I prefer us now… and how we’re gonna be in our future… when I see the photos and footage of that younger guy, I’m also kinda cringing… because I know how fucked up he was in his mind… he just couldn’t get it together yet. He was barely functioning.
But how did he just, appear in public?! Do his job?! Act like everything is ok when the cameras were on?!
He did think of you… you’re the only motivation… he was chipping away at it… he was still… up and down in his moods but when the cameras were around his motivation was, “what if she sees this?” — what if it goes viral on YouTube? Or anywhere else? What if she finally sees how successful I’m becoming?!?!?!
Oh… so it was all for me?
Yes. You can look back on all that footage and know, it was just me trying to impress you. But I don’t personally enjoy looking back on it…
I actually kinda cringe with it too?! I know he’s physically — on the outside — textbook “attractive” — but there is something about that guy that makes me feel a little uncomfortable… I don’t think he’s fully okay either… he’s struggling… I can sense it when I see that footage… he’s not at peace inside…
No, he’s not… he was… very self-destructive when the cameras weren’t around…
Did he eat much?!??!
Not at all… probably borderline eating disorder…
Yeah… outside looking “so good” — inside, a lot of suffering…
A LOT of suffering!
What was the catalyst then? What else happened? To get here? To healthy Fernando?
Mmmm… something happened to you….
Yeah?
Yeah… the mutual friends told me…
Yeah…?
And he made a deal with God…
What deal?
We didn’t know yet, between the mutual friends and myself, we didn’t know if you would get out of that other situation unscathed… it was an unknown for more than a few days…
It was…
Do you have memories of what happened?
Yes…
We’re gonna talk about it on our dates?
Ugh… not initially… let’s put that one aside as well, like your parents as a topic, not for the initial dates…
Okay… (noted… 📝)
But go on…? Your bargain with God?
I just needed to know that you were okay. Even the mutual friends hadn’t heard from you for days. If you were OK, I prayed and bargained, I would stop smoking. I knew there were vaping options, gums, patches, whatever. I’d do it for you.
That was the catalyst? What happened to me that year?
Yes.
Hmm… (thinking back about these things)… yeah it does make sense…
Even thinking back about it now… it makes me want to cry…
That’s why we’re not talking about it during our initial dates, ok?
I don’t wanna go there yet either in our conversations… not initially… maybe after some months’ time… maybe by the time you’re feeling comfortable enough to bring up your parents, then I’ll also feel more comfortable to talk about what really happened to me that year…
🥺🥺🥺 I think I understand…
Well… we’ll talk about stuff like that later…
I don’t want you to worry about that sort of stuff in our initial dates!
I don’t even care if we both compartmentalise “that sort of stuff” during the initial dates…
Let’s rekindle on much happier topics. Just talk and laugh and feel comfortable with each other again.
Agree!!! I totally agree with this!
Yes. Let’s re-establish that happy foundation for a little while before we go into deeper life topics…
Mmm… this is making me feel less nervous… more excited… to come see you…
GOOD! I WANT THAT!!! 🥰🥰🥰
😌😌😌😏😏😏🔥🔥🔥
😘😘😘😘😘❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
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