Virgo Sun Pisces Moon

Babe… I just had a weird dream…

About what?

My mother’s mental deterioration… like she was going senile…

Is this… based on anything happening in real life? In real time?

Not really… I mean, she has her “moments” when me and my brother are kinda, raising eyebrows, side-eyeing her, but it’s not to the point of being diagnosed by doctors yet… it seems to be natural aging… side effects?

Side effects?

Well, what about your parents?

My parents were already insane to begin with. It doesn’t make a difference as they age… they’re insane…

That’s such a weird way to describe one’s parents…

Don’t worry about them 😏 tell me more about this dream…

It was probably more of a nightmare. Yeah it was a nightmare. Because my mum isn’t as bad as what was presented in the dream. My mum in real life, right now…

But in the dream it’s like I had a panic attack. This realisation, “Oh no. This is like Alzheimers or something. Whatever it is. Oh no…” it felt so real. I felt very scared…

😢 It is sad to think about it, our parents aging…

It makes me feel like, yeah nah, we’re not having kids…

We’re not?

No… because… we’ve gotta take care of our parents… them, and some pets. That’s us… typical Millennials…

Sigh… no problem…?

Well… then, who’s going to take care of us?

Well… if I don’t go bankrupt, hopefully I can simply afford for other people to take care of us…

Hmm… u think that’s it then?

Wellllll?! (Shrugs shoulders) I guess?!

Hmmm…

You’re not satisfied with that idea…

What if we foster?

Foster?

Yeah. Would you be okay with that? In our future?

What do you mean by “foster” — what are you talking about?

I’m thinking, okay, throughout my 40s, maybe we’re pretty relaxed about contraception, we might not even use it and I just don’t get pregnant anyway…

But then, by my 50s… maybe I’ll be in more of a mature mental space to be a foster parent?

Are we adopting?! Is that what you mean?!

No… adopting is a whole other set of responsibilities…

Fostering — it’s temporary.

Well, it’s usually temporary…

The child usually comes from a difficult situation… they’re needing foster parents, temporarily… maybe 3 months? 6 years? Whatever it is… but eventually they either go back to their own parents or they’ve turned 18, something like that…

Uhuh… this sounds, emotionally complicated…

It is… and there’s regular check-in’s by the social workers.

We should pass all the checks, right?! We’re a RICH COUPLE!

😅😅😅 I feel like there’s gotta be more criteria to be a decent foster parent than simply being wealthy…

True. And there’s some horror stories too, about fostering… let’s not go there in this blog.

Ideally, we go through the interviews and assessments, and we are approved as “suitable” foster parents. And then a child stays with us — only temporarily. 

But you’re already setting up this goal and it’s because you’re fearing your own mortality, you don’t have kids of your own but you’re trying to make a connection with another child so when you’re older they think of us, to come back and help take care of us?

Okay when you put it like that, it’s not great… can I just finish my story about fostering and then we decide in real life whether or not it even suits us?

🫠 ok.

So… I have heard stories from both sides. I have heard stories from those who’ve been foster parents. And I’ve heard stories from those who’ve been fostered in the system and come out the other side…

This is in Australia?

Yes.

And what did they say?

The ones who were the foster parents, they had regular sessions with the social workers as well as psychologists.

They only tried it once… and they also felt like, it was an emotional toll.

They didn’t want to keep fostering…

Yeah….? What was most emotional about it?

In their situation, the child would’ve been too young to remember them. They knew that the whole time.

And when it was time that the child was going back to their own parents, they had so much aching in their hearts…

Was the child really going back to a better life?

It’s hard to “judge” the original parents like that… it’s still their parents. And got to a point where the social workers assessed the situation and said it was suitable for the child to go back…

Actually, I’ve heard stories from the parents side too! It’s gut wrenching. The parents are sometimes drug addicts, they’re trying to clean up so they are deemed fit for the child to go back…

… … … (not sure what emoji is his face right now)… but the parents cleaned up enough that the social workers said, “okay this child can go back” — ?!

It’s not a perfect system. I don’t think there’s a perfect system in any country in this world. And I never studied social work, I don’t know too much about… all those other factors involved…

I guess this is why there’s also regular psychologist sessions so you can just process whatever it is, the whole scope of the situation?

Mmm… I kinda feel like, if you want kids, let’s just adopt?

Really? You’re leaning more towards that than fostering?

Yeah… this sounds very complicated….

Yeah… but okay, let me finish my stories!

😅😅😅 keep going…

Well — now as I’m writing, I can’t remember if I’ve already written it or it was a draft or I published and then quickly reverted back to draft?

Doesn’t matter. Just tell the story again, in this context…

I know people who were fostered kids… and they’ve kept in touch with their foster parents… and they had good foster parents. They were also at an age to remember them…

And they are still in touch with their biological parents as well as their foster parents. The foster parents, in their words, feel more like Godparents. They might technically have some Godparents but emotionally, the foster parents are the Godparents…

That’s from their perspective?

Yes. And they’re in very successful careers right now. And they always say it was inspired by their foster parents. Their biological parents didn’t give them any guidance about success or careers. But their foster parents inspired them. They were in an environment to focus on homework, and study, and get into a good university…

So they’re very grateful to their foster parents and do still keep in touch…

Hmmm… it’s a wholesome story…

It is… and I was very touched when they told me this in real life…

Do you think we are capable, emotionally, to be those kind of foster parents?

(Sigh) not yet, in our 40s… I don’t think we have the emotional capacity yet…

Maybe by 50s…

Yeah. What do you think?

Yeah… maybe… I still also think, let’s just adopt by… late-40s?

Hmm… where are we adopting this child from? What race? What nationality?

I don’t think you can adopt… from my country…

(Googling)… your country is not allowed. It got taken off the list. Maybe there’s loopholes, whatever, but a big effort to adopt from your country.

Uhuh… what about Taiwan?

(Googling)… Taiwan is still on the list.

So maybe we adopt from Taiwan?

We wouldn’t even need to do the international paperwork from Taiwan. It can be a domestic adoption from Taiwan. I’M STILL TAIWANESE!

😅😅😅 okay, but who knows what the rules will be by our late-40s…

Yeah. True. Hmm… so we still want kids?

It’s up to you, baby… I’ll have kids if you want kids…

Oh my God, they can be so fuckin’ annoying….!!!!!!

😅😅😅😅😅 we don’t need to adopt one today…

Yeah. It’s just… something to revisit later… none of these options are decided on yet. We’re just brainstorming. We haven’t decided yet.

(Nodding. Accepting)… 😏💕