Who are your favourite custo-
Gay guys.
mers….? You didn’t let me finish my sentence!
Were you going to ask me, who are my favourite customers?
(Nodding, smiling)
Gay guys.
(Chuckles) How do you know they’re gay?!
(Thinking…) You’re right, I actually don’t. — SEEMINGLY gay guys.
Seemingly gay guys are your favourite customers?
(Nodding) (Very assuredly) YES. 1000%!!!
WHAAAAATT!??!!?!?! YOU GAVE THEM YOUR 1000%?!?!?! I THOUGHT THAT WAS A RATING ONLY RESERVED FOR ME?!!?!?!?!
(Smiling) (Shrugs shoulders) — I’m answering your question. You want to know who are my favourite customers? It’s gay guys. By 1000% percentage compared to ALL other customers!
(Gobsmacked) WHY?!?!!?!?!?!?
Hmmm… when I really think about it… (seemingly)…
Gay guys don’t ask anything of my energy.
Gay guys aren’t trying to flirt — they’re so harmless.
Gay guys — some find them “bitchy” — but that hasn’t been my experience.
I’ve only ever had positive interactions with them… (touch wood)… I’ve never had a “bad” customer experience with gay guys. They’ve always been really “gentlemanly” — in the way they approach a retail female worker for a question — and they’ve always been really, really nice and easy to talk to.
Maybe sometimes a little sassy — and they make me laugh with that.
I fully have my guard broken down as well — I can’t really “lie” to gay guy customers. I don’t know what it is — they break through my shields?!?!?!?!
(LOL) WHAT THE HELL?!!?!! WHAT SHIELDS?!?!?!?!
I don’t know how to explain it… okay… my Wicked shirt?!?!! Like — a woman asked me, “have you seen the movie?” or something like that — and I just LIED. I just lied straight to her face — I felt GUILTY — I definitely felt GUILTY ABOUT IT… but then, suddenly, the next set of customers — GAY GUYS — seemingly gay guys — they’re asking me about the shirt as well! They asked, “Have you seen the movie?!” And I just broke down in laughter, “No…” — I couldn’t LIE TO THEM!!!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA… WHY?!!??!!? HOW?!?!!!? WHAT IS THEIR POWER OVER YOU?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?
(ROFLMAO) I have no idea either!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Maybe I have a “soft spot” for gay guys?!?!?! I find them endearing?!?! I don’t know!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You thought “I” was gay when you first met ME…
(Nodding) — You definitely gave off SEEMINGLY GAY vibes… SEEMINGLY…
(Laugh-crying, giggling so much…)
It wasn’t until… that moment…
What moment?
Your ears turned red.
My ears turned red?!?!?!!?
(Nodding) — and all the mutual friends saw it too. I think older brother pointed it out?!?! “Look how red his ears are — “
And then I backed away — “What? I thought he was gay?!?!?!”
(Chuckling to himself about this memory)…
And you don’t know how interrogated I got from the GIRLS that evening — “Do you LIKE HIM BACK?!!?!? DO YOU LIKE HIM?!?!?!?!!?!?!?“
(Shocked! Laughing!!!) What!?!?!?! They did that?!?!!? What did YOU say?!?!?!
I can’t remember… something along the lines of constantly repeating, “I thought he was gay?!?!” —
You really thought I was gay from the moment we met?
I’m not sure now… but the moment when your ears turned red — I felt myself blushing within — maybe it didn’t show on my face?! But it was like a knee-jerk reaction, “Oh fuck — ” What just happened?! What button did I detonate?!?! Am I attracted to him…? Maybe…? Yessssss….?!?!?!
Nobody would’ve noticed — my chest gets more shallow in breaths… my BREASTS start HEAVING when I’m attracted TO YOU ONLY…
Reeeeeallly?!?!?!?!?!?!?! I’m gonna try to look out for this next time… (sheepish grin)…
Well you’ll have to be PHYSICALLY IN FRONT OF ME to be in the moment of it…
Why shallow breathing? How is it so obvious?!?!!
Because — I’M A YOGI — I always breathe to the lower belly. That’s my default breathing. Unless I’ve been infected with COVID or something like that — I’m not doing shallow breathing. My breasts AREN’T… heaving…
Only for you. This biological reaction, only happens for you…
It’s like my body is saying, “I am so ready to receive your energies…”
But does that happen when you’re unsuspecting? When I’m Mr Incognito or in other disguises?
I’m not sure… All I can say is the blonde puppy smelled really good…
(Laughing) He SMELLED GOOD?! You liked the cologne he was wearing?!
NO… it wasn’t cologne… it’s something else… like pheromones…
I think it got debunked, humans don’t have pheromones, that’s dogs and cats.
Well — maybe I am a hybrid? Maybe I was born with pheromone receptors because YOU HAVE A SMELL. AND I REALLY, REALLY LIKE IT AND RESPOND TO IT — FOR SOME REASON. It’s not fucking cologne!!!
(Slow blinking)… What smell is it?
I don’t know how to describe the smell… but it just… intoxicates me in the moment… I don’t know… it’s like… I’M DRUNK ON YOUR SMELL…………………..
I was literally blushing to MYSELF with the blonde puppy — “This doesn’t make any sense!!! WHY DOES HE SMELL SO GOOD?!!?!?! How can I be attracted to a guy that’s SO MUCH YOUNGER THAN ME?!?!” — I was SO. EMBARASSED. Like I needed to be in jail?!?!!?!?!?!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH… (Absolutely loving this!!!)….
But when I had alcohol?
That’s when the smell is GONE. Alcohol — the stench of alcohol — overpowers that smell. Same with cigarettes — it just ruins your smell.
But these are not pheromones. It’s been debunked. Humans DON’T have pheromones.
WELL — I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS?!?! YOUR SKIN!?!?! YOUR SWEAT?!?! I DON’T KNOW!!!! But it smells SO GOOD…………………………
(Cackling to himself)… You don’t like me for my personality?! You don’t like me for my looks?! You don’t even want me for my money!?! YOU WANT TO MARRY ME FOR MY SMELL?!?!?!?!?!!?!?!?!
(Laughing too)… I don’t know!!! It’s not the ONLY reason — but it is PART OF the reasons!!! And there are many, many reasons!!! It’s the sum of all the reasons!!!
(Smiling)… I like your smell too.
You do?!?! You can smell a difference?!?!?!
(Nodding) Yeah… you have a smell too… I like it too… (Giggles)
How did this conversation go from seemingly gay guy customers to smells of each other?!!?!
HAHAHAHAA… Okay… fine… let me keep asking… who are your LEAST favourite customers?
(Sigh)… Grumpy old men.
Grumpy old men?!?!
Yes… please, if you ever turn into a grumpy old man, I’m divorcing you…
(Wide-eyed)… WHAT?!?! That’s the dealbreaker?!?!!
Yes… unless you’re physically — ILL — you know. Like you can’t help it, you’ve had a chronic disease and you’re GRUMPY…
I feel like I’m grumpy all the time?!?!?!
Not when you’re around me?!?!?!
(Thinking) Yes, that’s true…
So if you end up grumpy around me?!?! I just think… I’ll feel so hurt by it…? Okay it won’t be immediately divorce but we’re going to need some sessions with a marriage counsellor if you start getting grumpy around ME…
Right… okay… what about HAPPY old men?!
Ugh — no! Not those customers, they’re just as off-putting… Don’t come at me with that kind of energy!!!
Really?!?!
I mean THEM — not YOU — I don’t want THEM to come at me with that kind of energy. Of course I’m happy for YOU to do it…!
But you didn’t even like the blonde puppy! I think you DON’T like that energy… not initially…
Okay, yeah, you’re right. Maybe not initially — it’s more like, if we’re established — if we’re a comfortable, happy couple. You wake up in the mornings and you’re a bright and happy puppy — THAT’S FINE. But if I don’t know you — don’t come at me with that kind of energy. Don’t be incognito and doing it. I’ll be freaked out — WHO THE FUCK IS THIS?!!? EVEN IF THEY SMELL FUCKING GOOD — I DON’T KNOW WHO THIS IS!!!
So what type of energy — initially — do you want?!?!?!!?!
I DON’T KNOW… (Thinking)… Maybe… maybe… Trent from Daria?
TRENT?!?!… From… DARIA?!?!?! (WTF is DARIA?!?!?!?!)
Yes — the MTV show back in the 90s — DARIA.
(Googling)…
You didn’t watch Daria in the 90s?!?!!?!?!
(Giggles)… No?!?!
UGH — I LOVED DARIA!!! I USED TO WATCH IT EVERY WEEK!!!
When?!?! In the 90s!?!?!!?
I don’t know. If it was late-90s and technically early-2000s but HIGH SCHOOL. Definitely. Middle and/or high school years.
Right, okay… and there’s a character named Trent…?
YES — HE WAS A DUDE IN A GRUNGE ROCK BAND…
(ROFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) Do you SEE how funny this is?!?!?!
(Processing)… Because you ALMOST became a grunge rock star but then you chose your genre instead…?
(Nodding and LAUGHING HIS HEAD OFF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!)
(Blinking)… I don’t… I don’t think it’s THAT funny….
(Still laughing — laugh-crying) (Abs hurting from laughter) … (More laughing)…
Well, I’m older now. Okay, I had a crush on Trent from Daria when I was in MIDDLE school, probably — but now. I’m older and it’s not like I want him — exactly. That was just a middle school crush on a cartoon character!!!
(Slightly composing himself better) (Winding down the laughter and giggling)… Okay? So what do you want… now?
I don’t know… maybe a mix of Trent and Machine Gun Kelly?!?!?!!?
You think so?!?!
I have no idea! I’m just GUESSING about myself. Wouldn’t it be easier if you just CAME AT ME AS YOURSELF?!?!!?!?!?
I’m not about to do that… not initially… I need a disguise — I don’t want any straggling fans to suspect ANYTHING — I need another disguise… I’m still trying to brainstorm this.
Okay — what about… An Asian version mix of those guys?
What?!
I don’t know… I don’t know what I’m saying!
What are you trying to say?
Well — last week — on my day off — I went into another store, and I thought of you.
Oh?! What store?!?!?!
I think it’s called… Senpais.JP — it’s just a pop-up store. It might not be around for a while…
You found your way over there on your day off last week?!?!!
Yeah…
And the clothes made you think of me?
(Nodding) I just felt like, “Ooh… I can see Common Name wearing this…”
(Googling)… This doesn’t look millennial?!
YES IT DOES.
How?!?! How does this look “millennial” — ?
Because I’M A MILLENNIAL… and I LIKE IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You want me to dress like this and hold your hand and walk into BALENCIAGA dressing like this?!?!?!?!!
(Laughing and giggling)… Would that be too weird?!?!?!
Virgo Sun Pisces Moon 