Virgo Sun Pisces Moon

Under that burning ether that falls

A flame, a spark. A passion that faded… “falls”… like when you light a sparkler, and it is so bright, so wonderful. You marvel at it with childlike wonder, but just as quickly the sparkler disappears. It burns itself out. Back to darkness. In the Shadows of this burning… this is the scene… the start of this song. Maybe it is also a campfire… or a cauldron… (LOL)

Down on these walls

There is something caving in. There is a darker entity here. Already — she’s set the scene. There is an obstacle. She’s not saying it literally. She’s not saying “These walls are closing in” — it’s an interpretation. (It’s my interpretation). “Down” also meaning “depressed” — the walls themselves are not yet closing in. But it’s a feeling. It’s a projection, perhaps. Perhaps the walls are perfectly amiable. Perhaps the walls are luxurious. Perhaps the walls are normal. But it’s making her feel “down” — depressed, in some way. There is something there — not intentionally triggered by the walls themselves. But there is a sense of sadness. A depressive vibration… There is something… not quite right… about these walls… and it’s not the walls… The walls didn’t intend to make her uncomfortable. It’s her own… unsteadiness about these walls… Yes, the walls could be a metaphor — society structures. Family expectations. Even friends? Who knows… some kind of metaphorical constraints. And it’s not their intention to hurt her. They’re just WALLS…

Burning my arms

It’s really agitating her. There’s a perceived annoyance. There’s something setting her arms on fire. She needs to move. She needs to change trajectory. There’s something that’s really, really bothering her here… How could the ether burn her when it’s already burnt itself out? It shouldn’t be burning at all. It’s just little sparks, little embers… they’re not supposed to be making her whole entire arm feel like it’s burning. What is going on inside herself? Why is she unsteady? Why is she… perhaps, nervous? Perhaps, unsure? Perhaps — overthinking. Thinking she needs to do something — the arms need to do something, otherwise they’re getting burned, for sure…

I’ve been alarmed of what is said by you

Here we go. The dude in the picture. (What picture?!) The relationship picture she is suddenly painting in this song. It’s a GUY. This song is about a GUY. Already. “What is said by you” — of course, that is triggered by A GUY. What did he say? Clearly — the listener is already empathetic. He said something stupid, didn’t he? He said something he can’t take back. He said something that hurt her. Deeper and deeper, she is going. She is taking us on this journey. He hurt her, somehow… okay, she didn’t identify his gender. It’s an assumption by me. But I think… it’s a he…

For every word I could undo

She’s going over it in her head. Over, and over, and over again — in some scenarios, she could justify some of his words… she could excuse him… just slightly… to some point, to some extent. Try to pacify the situation. Try to not “overreact” as a woman…

I’ve been uncrossed, and I’ve been untrue

Nope. She’s gaslighting herself. She’s even putting herself in the corner. The same corner that so many cultures, so many societies tell a woman — “Just go sit in that corner.” — Don’t make a fuss. Don’t confront him about his words. Don’t make him feel accountable. Don’t make him apologise. Don’t make him grow. Don’t do anything! You’re a woman — sit down and be quiet. Go to the kitchen. Get a mop and clean. Do anything domestic, don’t you dare QUESTION the word of the Man in your life — or the men — just listen and follow instructions. Be OBEDIENT. But she can’t shake it off. She knows she’s lying to herself. “I’ve been uncrossed” — she had an epiphany. She’s not WRONG… she knows that she’s not wrong. “I’ve been untrue” — she lied to herself. That’s why, this entire line, it’s about the gaslighting. By him, by her to herself — there are UN-truths to unravel.

I’ve been the thorn, I’ve been the heart

She’s hurt him, too. She knows this. She knows her capacity to hurt him. But she loves him, too…. There is a love there. Otherwise she wouldn’t use the word “heart” — Maybe her compassion had been unconditional. Maybe she allowed her heart to feel, to absorb. As painful as that potentially was…

But the heart of my own – burn it down low

She’s remembering herself. She needs to prioritise HERSELF… Bringing herself back to the ground. Grounding and humility. “Burn it down low” — start setting that flame again. The flame for herself. Remembering herself. Her own Soul… Being her own fire. Being her own oxygen. Remember who she is — before he hurt her. Before she hurt him. Before they hurt each other with these “words”… as that is all that she has revealed so far in this song.

The light in your verse and the shadow between

Ohhhhh… THIS GUY!!! — He presents himself to the World as The Light — he creates verses, too. Perhaps he is a musician? A poet? A lyricist? Whoever he is, he knows his way with words… and he, too, can paint a beautiful picture of LIGHT — but there are Shadows. Perhaps she is the only one who can truly see his Shadows… it’s so subtle… the Shadows that are always created, when you look hard enough, by the Light. They can’t exist without each other — the Light and the Shadow… it’ll always be both. There is a balance. An acceptance of respect for him as well… She’s not blaming him for having any Shadows. But she’s seeing it clearly — clearer, now. By this point in the song. She can see that he has his Shadows, as much as perhaps — he tries to hold onto the Light and shine that as the distraction for the rest of the world…

The way that I was when I used to know

There’s something here from a naivety before…

If I go, what do I hold?

If she leaves him — does she win anything at all?

Oh, the maid or the mother I’ll be

She’s surrendering to her gendered identities…

If only the loom and the thread were whole

All these tasks they “expect” of the women — if only it was truly ever that satisfying. That fulfilling to be cornered into those roles…

It is work to be dancing out here

She’s just putting on a “happy smile” and “dancing” in front of the world…

If tomorrow I’m mending the empty bones

She’ll pay for that effort in her own Shadows. There is always a deflation from elation. There is always the next morning — regrets and sorrows. The weight of inauthenticity. “I’m mending the empty bones” — her own bones? Or his? Or both? — hollowed out, exhausted — is there even any more substance underneath it all?

There are roses that come without seeking

I think this has a double, or even triple meaning. “Roses” — given by him? “Roses” — other women? “Roses” — romantic encounters? Date nights? Whatever it is… whatever it meant to her at the time of writing — she didn’t expect it. It wasn’t planned, it was out of her own control. Whatever “games” he might’ve been playing. Or strategies — or maybe he didn’t intend any of that at all. It’s still her — “down on these walls” — in her own mind, in her own reflections… she didn’t SEEK for the roses. She didn’t ASK for them to show up, unexpectedly… Uninvited visitors into her life, in her own trajectory. She was once whole… he pierced through whatever that was… with “roses” — whatever it truly means. Only she and him knows. But in this song, “roses” can be whatever the listener wants them to be.

There are the ones that I have to sow

She’s trying to remember herself. She’s trying to grow her own rose garden — for herself. Give her the seeds to plant her own.

In your verses that I am repeating

She’s still going over what he’s said… she’s going over, and over, and over it… over, and over, and over again…

The way that I was when I used to know

…

…

…

I wrote on these walls a simple charm to keep the wolves at bay

She’s protecting herself.

Gave all my heart the strength of my arms

She’s literally arming herself with this protection. She is her own Strength. She is her own Compassion. Her own Angel. She can give this Love to herself.

To hold you close and safe

She still loves him. Despite whatever was said… she still loves him. Despite these wounds that she’s processing in this song… she loves him enough to want to hold him “close and safe” — she’s carrying this load. She’s stronger with each lyric. She’s growing within herself.

But I kept my eyes closed, I’ll never know

This is the worst… a feeling that… even if he “cheated” — she’ll never truly know. And it’s either live in blissful ignorance or walk away to never have that revealed… just let him… stay in the Light of the Mask that he chooses to wear… whatever that is… if he is true, if he is sincere — okay. So then, we’ll stay in a happy bubble… she never has to know…

Where the shadows are these days

All the rumours are buried. They’ll never see the light of day. They’ll never pierce into their world as a couple.

I stood in the room of a house divided

She was so close to packing up her bags and leaving. She was this close to leaving him. She was about to get a divorce.

And it washed away from me

Somehow — she forgave him. Even if he didn’t do anything, she forgave him. She forgave him surreptitiously. She forgave him pre-emptively. Or, she really, really forgave him… after he revealed his true self… whatever her truth was at the time of writing this song… she let it go… it washed away… it’s gone…

Oh, and it washed away from me

She’s not going to let this eat her away. She’s not going to let this drive her crazy. She’s letting it go…

Oh, and it washed away from me
It washed away from me to take my own

She has to know her own heart, as well as she knows his.

She has to know who she really is — in order to know who he really is.

She cannot carry this load for both of them, if she doesn’t even know herself.

“Heart of My Own” — is his heart, too.

Both their hearts are hers to own.

She knows his heart, as well as she knows her own.