Friend 1: Okay, we’re going to the Korean BBQ place for dinner, is that okay?
Me: Yeah. Sure. Whatever. Meet you guys there at 6.
…
(We get to the restaurant at 6)…
Friend 2: Why are we having dinner at a Korean BBQ when she’s supposed to be trying to get OVER a Korean guy?!
Friend 1: Because she’s NOT EATING. She’s too stressed from the breakup. We need her to EAT. So the only thing she said she felt like was Korean food. So we’re bringing her here.
Me: (Just ordering something, I don’t even remember what)…
Friend 1: Is… is that? Nicholas Cage?! Is Nicholas Cage in MELBOURNE?!
Friend 2: (Gasps) Oh my god, it actually IS Nicholas Cage! Wait, why would he be in Melbourne??!!?!
Friend 3: That’s his KOREAN WIFE! Of course he’s in a Korean restaurant in Melbourne!!! They’re probably just here on holidays!!!
(The three of them start freaking out — just a little bit)
Friend 1: Nicole — turn AROUND. That’s literally NICHOLAS CAGE. RIGHT THERE.
Me: (Mumbling) I really don’t give a fuck about Nicholas Cage right now…
Friend 2: No, seriously!!! You HAVE to SEE THIS. HE’S RIGHT. THERE!!!
Friend 3: Just turn around… now! Now! Turn around!!! NICOLE!!! TURN AROUND!!! NOW!!!!
Me: (Fine!!!) (Turns around)… (Sees Nicholas Cage has noticed the WHOLE TABLE LOOKING AT HIM)…
Nicholas Cage: (Looks directly at Nicole — Smiles)
Me: (Turns back to the friends) Um, yeah, that’s Nicholas Cage.
Friends 1, 2, 3: (Uncontrollable giggles and laughter)
Friend 1: Do you think we should ask for a photo!? Should we ask him for a photo?! An autograph?!?!?!
Friend 2: No!!! Don’t bother celebrities!!!
Friend 3: Yeah. No. We don’t do that in Melbourne. It’s like New York. It’s fucking EMBARASSING to get STAR STRUCK.
Me: I just feel like I really need to process some things about Common Name, can we just… talk about him for a minute…?
Friend 1: No. I WANT HIS AUTOGRAPH. That’s it, I’m about to get up from my seat and approach him. I want his autograph. I want a picture!!
Friends 2 & 3: Nooooooo!!!!!
Nicholas Cage: (Paid for his dinner, leaves the restaurant)
Friend 1: Oh great, now he’s LEFT. Now nobody will EVER KNOW that we were actually in the SAME RESTAURANT as NICHOLAS CAGE!!! In MELBOURNE of ALL PLACES!!!
Friend 2: (Gasp) Nicole — you’ve BARELY eaten your RICE. What is GOING ON?
Me: I’m full…
Friends 1, 2, 3: (All sudden… horrified realisations…) You really… really liked him? Like, you really… really… REALLY LIKED HIM???
Me: I don’t give a fuck about Nicholas Cage. Why don’t you just walk out the restaurant and ask him for a photo. He’s probably still out there on the foot path…
Virgo Sun Pisces Moon 