Virgo Sun Pisces Moon

Cockroaches?! (Shudders)

Yes… I just had a dream about cockroaches…

Ughhh? That’s nasty…

Yeah.

Was it more of a nightmare?

Actually… no…

I was living in an apartment, in the dream — I often dream of apartments, actually — and it had cream walls, it was similar to one of the ones I used to live in, in Melbourne — and there were cockroaches appearing. Then in the dream, I got the spray, and I started trying to spray the drains of the bathrooms, showers and sinks…

Did they die? In the dream?

No, the spray was leaking on my hands, my arms as I was spraying. I couldn’t really breathe well in the dream — it was like, I was trying to hold my hand as I was spraying. And then I needed to wash my hands. There was also a spider’s web on one of the drains, then when I went to spray it, it kind of “popped” it open — like a hymen.

The cockroach spray “popped” open a bathroom sink with a spider’s web over it like a… hymen?!?!! That’s a very odd word to use in your description…

MMmmm-hmmm… I’m thinking about this in real time as I’m typing. It definitely represented a hymen. My subconscious is trying to tell me something.

Popping open a… fucking… “hymen”….?!

(Chuckles) Is that weird?!

Yeah?!?!?! A little bit…?!?!?!

Okay, let me keep analysing my own dream.

(Nodding) (Smiling) (Shaking his head in wonder at his wife’s weird ass brain)…

So… then it changed to another scene.

Another scene?

Yes, it was still the apartment, but all of a sudden, I had a keyboard.

A keyboard? To play music?

No! It was a computer keyboard.

Oh, a computer keyboard…

Yes. It was like, red, and orange, and slightly yellow… mostly red and orange… and it was soft. It had really soft keys. It was the type of keyboard when you’re typing it’s got really “soft” sounds — not the “hard” buttons type of keyboards. Like it was made of silicone. It was a really, really “soft” keyboard.

(Nodding) Yeah, I can imagine one of those…

And then I was like, in the dream, “Oh my gosh — this keyboard feels SO NICE…” I couldn’t stop “typing” on it, I couldn’t stop! It was so soft, I just kept rubbing my hands through it, the softness was so addictive.

(Nodding) Right… you like soft keyboards?

No?! Not normally, in real life… I like the hard clickity clackity ones. I like typing on harder-button keyboards…

Right? Okay… so it was a soft one, in the dream…

Yes. And then — another girl appeared. I don’t know if she was my housemate in the dream or what — but she appeared. And I was like, “Look at this keyboard! Feel it! It’s so soft!” And then she started touching and typing on it too, and she was also impressed, “It IS really soft! Wow! That’s so nice!”

(Smiling, nodding… not sure how to “hold the space” when a wife talks about a dream… just yet)…

And then there was another scene.

Another scene… This is like an… arthouse movie or something…

Yeah. Maybe. Then — I was in a car. I was in a van, actually. I was in a van with all these people that I didn’t really know — they were in front. There was like, two rows of seats in front of me, and I was in the back row of this van, in the middle seat. At first it was just going somewhere, but then I realised, “Hey! I’m not wearing a seatbelt?” So then, I turned to my left side, I found the seatbelt — it didn’t look like a normal seatbelt, it looked more like a chain — and then I pulled it across my torso, to click it into place to my right side of my body. I could feel myself “chained in” to that seat.

You were “chained” — by the seatbelt…

Yes. And then… suddenly… we arrived somewhere. It was like a hotel or something. And then — one of the people at the front seats turned out to be Draco Malfoy.

Draco Malfoy was in your dream?!?!!?

Yes! And then — he got out first. He was like the “representative” — and he was like, “Okay, I’ll let the hotel staff know that we’re here” — so he was like the representative of all the people in this van. And we got out, and he was there, talking to the… bus boy? Is that what they’re called?

I don’t think so, there’s no “bus boys” working at the front of a hotel…

Okay. Well — I don’t know why I just thought that as I was trying to explain it. Maybe in my brain — in my dream — my subconscious was trying to make sense of it and in that reality — whoever is working at the front of a hotel is called a “bus boy” but “bus boy” could also be another metaphor…

(Nodding — 99% confused — )

So then… the hotel… turned into a party scene…

Right! A PARTY scene! (Excited, suddenly?! For no reason?!)

It was like a schmoozy PR party… like those scenes in Sex and the City — blue lights, cocktails, people in pretty clothes, hair and make-up, stilettos…

And were you dressed like that too? In the party scene dream?

I’m not sure… I don’t remember that part of it…

And then what happened?

Nothing. Then I woke up.

Oh. Right. Then you woke up when you got to the party…

Yes… hmmm… what do you think it means?

(Laughing) I have no fuckin’ idea!

Hmmm… cockroaches… I think… I’ve been battling them in my real life.

You have?

Yes. Because I didn’t get pest control yet, this year… me and my brother we talked about it and we decided, I’ll get it before Mum flies back… I don’t need to get it yet before she arrives…

But you’re seeing cockroaches around your house anyway? You’re just living with cockroaches until your Mum comes back?

(Nodding) Yes… it’s potentially disgusting… anyone else reading this will be like, “GROSS! His WIFE lives with COCKROACHES?!!?!?”

(Chuckling)

Are you bothered by this?

No.

Why not?

Because I know — it’s your Buddhism — you couldn’t hurt a fly. You’re even reluctant to get pest control, but for your Mum — when she comes back — you’ll get it, then… because it’s too dirty to have cockroaches around your Mum. So then you’ll get it when Mum comes back. But while you’re living by yourself — you just let the cockroaches live. You’ve even tried to be Vegetarian, that’s how much compassion you have for all the living beings. I’m not grossed out that you live with cockroaches, I know it’s because of your Buddhism.

Thank you… yes… that’s exactly my reasoning… And it’s not like in the movies, you know. It’s not like they come out all the time… I’m starting to recognise their patterns, they’re almost like little pets — just more random pets — to pick their little poos and even save them if one of them is stuck in the sink and can’t get out.

(Laughing) Yeah anyone else is going to read this and find this really, really gross… so your cockroaches could get stuck in the sink?

Yes. You know how like — there’s curves in the corners of the sink? Then — they can’t get out. They try to climb back out, but they can’t. Then I get a piece of cardboard and I just let them crawl onto that, and then I lift them back up. I rest the cardboard on the window ledge and the cockroach skedaddles back to wherever it lives…

(Chuckling — almost laughing hysterically)

Why is this so funny to you?

Because — I also know — you once read a book about Cockroaches! You read a whole… sci-fi? Kind of alternative book about Cockroaches and they had their own lives and personalities and purposes in life — kind of like the movie “Ants” — and ever since then, you’ve always felt compassion for COCKROACHES!!! I know this.

(Laughing) Yeah… I still don’t know who the author was. Probably Google or CoPilot could easily find it… but… yeah…

Do you still have the book?

No. I can’t remember where I got it from. A garage sale? A school library? I don’t remember, but I don’t even have the book anymore, either…

But it’s definitely a real book. It’s not even fiction. Anyone could potentially go digging on the internet and eventually find this “cockroach” sci-fi book.

Yeah. I’m not even sure if it’s Sci-Fi but that’s the only way I can think to describe it.

Yeah… (Laughing)

Why is this so funny to you?!

Because it’s so RANDOM… it’s so… YOU… (Laughing)

And what if I stop being random one day? What if I become predictable?

Then I’ll keep loving you. I can already predict some things — more than when we were younger — I just keep learning and loving you. It doesn’t matter if I can predict it or not, it’s you. I love you. I love learning about you. I love being able to predict things about you. It’s all you. I love you!!!

And what if I’m sharing too much in my writing? What if all our inside jokes, all our little shared understandings, shared little “quirks” in our relationship gets typed out? And then people start bringing up cockroaches, or broken hymens with cobwebs — whatever that means? — they try to “catch you” in a gotcha moment in an interview?

(Laughing) None of it would make any difference at all.

Why?

Because… we’ll keep making other memories… we’ll keep being two steps ahead of them.

Are we two steps ahead of them, though? I’m not sure if I feel like we are?

Well — I’M always two steps ahead of YOU. I know how to keep you on your toes… I’m always planning something… I’m very creative… You know… I’m the “Mastermind” of this relationship…

(Nodding) You’re the Leading Man…

I am… (smiles)

It’s all you. I’m just a side character in your big plan. Whatever that is…

You’re not a side character — you’re the Jewel — I’m the protagonist on this Quest and you are always the Jewel that I am chasing…

But even when we’re together? Even when we’re married? Comfortable, happy couple sitting together on a couch just watching TV together, not doing anything?!

Then you are the Jewel that I am holding in my hand — but that Jewel slips out, it’s slippery — I’ll have to catch it again. And again, and again, and again…

That’s marriage, yeah?

That’s OUR marriage — yes. I don’t know about other couples — I don’t even really care to understand them. I just know, that’s us, yes.

They’re going to say… “Cockroaches?! His WIFE lives with COCKROACHES?!?!?!”

(Laughing) Yes!!! She’s BUDDHIST!!! They’re very COMPASSIONATE!!!

(Smiling) Okay — so you’ll defend me in that way?

(Nodding) Yes… I want them to know that about you. I want them to know that you’re not really “Witchy” — a sexy Witch, sometimes, in the bedroom, yes! That’s our kink — but you’re not a Witch, you’re a BUDDHIST. You’re very compassionate.

(Smiling) Now you just told everybody about our secret Witchy kink…

(Laughing) We’ll create other kinks! (Devilish grin)

…

Curious Fan 1: What the FUCK?! This is the most disgusting conversation between them we’ve ever read?!!?!? They don’t do drugs, they’re sobering up from alcohol — and now they live with COCKROACHES?!?!? The incredible, beautiful image of the genre star up there on stage and he goes home to a house full of… COCKROACHES?!?!?!

Curious Fan 2: I’m sure it’s not actually like that… like she said, she’s getting pest control when the Mum comes back. I don’t think she’ll have a hard rule about pest control when they’re actually living together in their own apartment?

Curious Fan 3: She better not… this is really the kind of thing that could even get him cancelled?! To think that he just lives with COCKROACHES?!! Even if it is a Buddhist compassionate concept — it’s gross! It completely RUINS his IMAGE…

Curious Fan 4: Does it, though? I’m Buddhist — I’m not offended at all. It makes total sense. They’re being compassionate to even cockroaches. It’s a Buddhist concept.

Curious Fan 1: So he’s Buddhist, then? He acts like he’s Christian but he’s actually Buddhist??!!?!

Curious Fan 2: Not sure if we can really say that, though… she’s still giving us so many twists and turns, it’s all fiction… how would we really know for sure?

Curious Fan 3: You can’t really know for sure. Artists’ own spiritualities? That’s so personal. They don’t owe it to us to explain anything about their beliefs, deep down. That’s so personal — it’s their SOUL — we’re just fans, we’re just… out there… we see them through a screen, we see them through a filter — they don’t owe us any explanations about their own religious beliefs at all.

Curious Fan 4: Yes, as a Buddhist, I completely agree — they don’t owe us any explanations at all… not sure how the Christian fans will react though…

Curious Fan 1: It’s fine, I’m Christian. Now that you just explained it like that I don’t think most of us will care… maybe some crazies… but most of us, no.

Curious Fan 2: I think he’s probably Atheist, like she keeps mentioning… but he’s happy to be married to a Buddhist. I think that’s what it is…

Curious Fan 3: It doesn’t make any sense. I can’t make sense of it — I’m still tripped up that she keeps calling him a Millennial when clearly, he’s NOT a Millennial?!?!

Curious Fan 4: It’s all a mindfuck. All of it. Her whole blog — he might not even be Korean?! She could be continuously adding Korean things as diversions. Most of this translates to a Japanese genre star as well — it doesn’t make any sense at all!!!

Curious Fans 1: Oh, but some of the fans are so deeply entrenched in his lore that they’ll connect some dots…

Curious Fans 2: It doesn’t matter, though… once the dots are connected… they kind of… back off…

Curious Fan 3: Do they!? What about tabloid journalists? What would happen if they found out?!

Curious Fan 4: Do tabloid journalists have that much time on their hands to dig through this stuff, though?! Is he that big of an artist for them to even care, at all?!

Curious Fans 1: I think if they’re Western tabloid journalists, they’ll reach a point where they realise — it’s not really their culture — back off. It doesn’t make sense for Western journalists to dig through this stuff. It doesn’t translate well…

Curious Fans 2: But what about her blog?! How would journalists describe it, if it actually grows? (Beyond 7 followers!) If it really grows and grows?

Curious Fan 4: I think it does simply stand alone as fiction… it could be a Japanese genre star, it could be… her random delulus… it is… surreal… in a way, it’s all surreal…?

Curious Fan 1: So everything and anything that she’s writing on this blog makes about as much as sense as her weird ass dream about cockroaches, that’s it.

Curious Fan 2: Yeah… pretty much?! Even us?!!? Why’s she still typing out our conversations for so long, this could’ve been another post?!!?!?

Curious Fan 3: Yes… I think she’s trying to wind us down… just needs to find a way to make us stop…

Curious Fan 4: Okay. This concludes the fan meet-up for today. They live with cockroaches. We know that much. The rest of it doesn’t even make any sense. Journalists will back off — because, who cares?! Really?! Nobody. Okay — so, they are what they are. A pretty normal, straight married couple, it seems. And they have their little conversations, she writes her poems, he’s on stage all the time — maybe Korean, maybe Japanese — who the fuck knows for sure…

Curious Fan 1: What if he’s not even North-East Asian and she just threw that in as a curveball?!!?!?!!