Virgo Sun Pisces Moon

I know why you’re nervous.

You know why I’m nervous?

Yes. I’ve consumed a little more content on Instagram tonight and I’ve figured it out… It’s like, when you first met me, you knew how to drive a Manual car. But since then, and with your work, you’re always driving on Auto — it’s brainless. It’s almost brainless, mindless, auto-pilot kind of gears in your mind. You’re not really needing to do much. And it just happens as well, because you’re not attracted to your fans. So conversations with them is almost like “Customer Service” mode. It’s just… (shrugs shoulders) whatever~ It’s not a big deal… and it doesn’t come across as a big deal, either. For anyone else who stumbles upon that content, it’s really, really simple. I’m sure your staff give you feedback as well. It’s not a big deal.

But when you’re with me… your brain needs to remember how to drive Manual… and you haven’t done that for a long, long time now…

(Nodding) It’s been a while… and now we’re middle-aged Millennials…

Yes! Exactly… so you’re feeling rusty. You’re feeling nervous…

I am feeling nervous!!! (Wailing from the torture)…

What is your suggestion for a solution?

I think reading my blog helps. But only a little bit — because, my blog — is a lot of memories of the younger you. The sass, the attitude, the grumpiness, sometimes. The HOLLARING… You probably don’t even do that much, these days…

I don’t, you’re right. It’s funny when I’m reading these imaginary “arguments” with someone who sounds more like my younger self than who I am now. I wouldn’t react in the exact same ways. But I can also see — that’s us. That’s so us, and she remembers it.

Yeah… I think you feel more like a piece of cardboard these days compared to your younger self. You’ve mellowed… you’ve matured… you don’t even feel like smiling on your days off. Your smile muscles are TIRED…

(Nodding) (Genuine smiling, but also agreeing) It is tiring to smile… after a while… it’s “work mode” —

Everybody who works in customer service knows this. Air hostesses know this. Gwyneth Paltrow, that air hostess movie she was in — the older lady character said this. Okay, I’m not giving a good quote or description. But it’s not a new concept, that’s my point.

(Still nodding, taking it all in)

I think in real life… you learn to drive Manual and you accept that sometimes, there’s bumps on the road. I can’t guarantee you that our conversations will flow smooth “on auto” — that’s not a human experience. I’m not a robot, either. I’m not A.I. — and I’m also NOT in “customer service” mode when we talk. There’s going to be moments to make adjustments. All throughout the conversation. That’s learning and growing in a relationship. That’s real. That’s real life.

(Smiling) Well now I’m smiling again but genuinely this time…

Yes, and that’s okay too!

I’m going to share more of my own interests, my own hobbies on here… then you can do your “studying” about me.

Like I was actually back on Tik Tok tonight. And I found out — Oh! Apple TV! Severance Season 2 is coming January 17! — I’M SO EXCITED.

You like the show Severance?!

Yes! See?! I can’t even remember if I ever made a Tik Tok about it to my own followers. It’s just a show that I consumed, I enjoyed — I kept that mostly to myself… but if you want to learn that about me, here I am, letting you — and whoever else stumbles upon this blog — know. Yes, I like the show Severance. I’m looking forward to Season 2. I just might re-watch Season 1 tomorrow to remind myself how much I like the show and then get ready for Season 2’s release by US time’s January 17.

(Chuckling)

Have you seen it?

(Shaking his head) I don’t think I’ve had time to watch the full show…

Well. There ya go. Homework. If you want to learn more about me. If you want to have topics and conversations with me. At least, initially — I like shows like Severance. I can’t think of any other examples but Severance, I do like. And it’s… oddly “Apple” — I don’t know if that makes sense. But I think it makes so much sense that it’s NOT on Netflix… It wouldn’t make sense on Netflix.

It wouldn’t make sense on Netflix?

No… I don’t know how to explain it more on this blog. But it makes sense that it’s on Apple TV. There’s actually some good shows on Apple TV, I just… barely thought to mention any of them…?

Which other shows do you like on there?

Loot.

You like Loot?

Yes, Loot is fuckin’ hilarious. I love Loot! Maya Rudolph is one of my favourite comedians.

She is?! You never TALK about this on your TIK TOK to YOUR OWN FOLLOWERS…

I know, right?! (Chuckles)

That’s the real me… (Giggling)