Virgo Sun Pisces Moon

You don’t have to wait to see me in person to practice using your brain on Manual…

I don’t?

No… you can practice with friends. Genuine friends. You can bring that back, that skillset.

I don’t have many genuine friends.

Well… it takes effort to let that guard down and make genuine friends.

I’m genuine friends with even some new co-workers, the friendships just evolve over time and with genuine conversations. It doesn’t get clouded by any physical attraction. It’s platonic, genuine connections.

Even the genuine friends I have now… they’re all busy. They’re married. With kids.

It doesn’t matter. You can still reach out. Or you can try to organise catch-ups, especially if they’re more local, nearby. They can get to you, rather you needing to go to them.

Or with your bros — talk to them! Genuinely.

Yeah, we do that… but…

But what?

It’s probably a cultural difference…

What cultural difference?

I’ll explain to you more face to face…

(LOL) This is the first time you’ve thrown that back at me?!

(Chuckles)

Anyway. If I think about how my brain works — Manual versus Auto — for sure, with friends and genuine friends catch-ups, it’s still in Manual mode. I can let my guard down with those friends. We are being genuine. Whereas “customer service” mode is 100% Auto. Even when I know I seem genuine — and yes, there is another kind of sincerity behind that too — it’s just not… like… reaching through to connect with your Soul. It just doesn’t happen in work mode.

Doesn’t it? I think it’s happened at least once…

(Thinking about this)… You’re the only person who made a crack through the invisible wall.

See? It is possible…

That’s also giving hope to your fans, then. They’re always hoping they can make that crack through your invisible wall.

My wall is bricked up. It’s cemented. It’s solid. The wall is for you. Nobody else.

Well, then?! Mine is too?!!? When I’m at work, or class, or anywhere else?! There’s a platonic wall for EVERYBODY ELSE.

Everybody else?

Yes!!! Absolutely.

Even the hot detective guy from Squid Games?

(Chuckles) — Do I have to answer this question right now??? In this moment?!?!?!?!

It’s gotta be FAIR. If your wall is up for 100% everybody else, and mine is too. Then even the hot detective guy is not allowed to PIERCE THROUGH that wall.

Okay, sure. Nobody else is allowed to make any cracks in that wall.

So nobody else will make any cracks in my wall, either. They never have. They never will.

Okay… but this conversation started off talking about getting your brain back to Manual mode… for me…

(Nodding) I’ll work on it. I’ll talk to some friends…

Good! I think that’s healthy…

I don’t think I even remember how to talk. Like a normal person — instead of a happy robot…

Yeah… The same scripts just on rotation…

And they’re only on rotation so that I don’t get too bored and lose my smile…

Yes… if they only could see the real you… Resting Bitch Face… just numb to it all…

Well, I probably wouldn’t make any money if I did that.

Same for me! My managers would say, “Why are you not smiling at our customers?!” It’s an expectation. It’s common decency.

It is common decency. But I don’t want you to ever feel like you’re “getting paid to smile” in front of me. If you want to relax and just have resting bitch face when you see me — just be in resting bitch face mode.

(Genuinely smiling) (Relaxing) That’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.

It is?

Yes! See? And that was your brain in Manual… you didn’t predict it. You didn’t strategise it. It just flowed out of you, naturally.

So that’s the difference between Manual and Auto?

Yes… and also, when you see me — you can just hold my hand and start KISSING me! There’s THAT DIFFERENCE too! If you run out of things to say, let’s just start making out! Why are we even still talking!?!?!?!?!

(Laughing… soooo excited at these thoughts!)

I miss your Boner…

(CANNOT BELIEVE SHE JUST TYPED THAT OUT)

(Nodding) I do… I really miss… YOU… pressing IN…………………

You’re finally saying this on a day that you’re bleeding…?!?!?!

I know, right?!?! The female body is WILD… the hormones… I CAN’T EVEN CONTROL THIS! (Jokes, yes I can)… but I’m choosing to let you know… the hormones… they’re activated for you only.

It’s like my body can’t wait for the next cycle. The next renewal. A new hope…

Making babies!!!

Maybe we need to discuss whether or not you actually get a vasectomy if you don’t want kids…

(Laughing) I do want them now, though. I want them with you.

REALLY!??!!?!?!?

Yes, really…

I mean, not today… but some day…

There? See? Those micro-adjustments… that’s Manual…

That’s the difference?

Yes.

Well, I do that sometimes with friends, even with fans, too…

Yes but there’s no SEXUAL ATTRACTION, right?!

(Laughing) (Nodding) Yes, you’re right.

So that’s a FRIENDSHIP. It’s not us. It’s not giving them that kind of hope.