You wanna talk about Botox?!
Yes. I do.
Why?
Because I’m on my period. And when I’m on my period, I have these self-deprecating thoughts about myself, like “Hmm… maybe I should get some botox?!”
(Chuckles) This only happens during your period?
I think so? I’m not sure. But I’m more aware of it today. Right now.
You also seem… a little more… snappy?
YES! I’m fuckin’ SNAPPY. My UTERUS is SPASMING with PAIN. Have you SEEN that Try Guys episode on YouTube where they SIMULATED uterine contractions on MEN?!?!
(Laughing) No? I haven’t seen it?!
WELL — Look it up! It was like they were sending electrical shocks through those guys’ ABS.
(Laughing) Okay, yeah, I’m curious, I’m gonna go look that up.
So — FORGIVE ME — for being SNAPPY. Okay?! I still LOVE YOU. But I’m gonna fuckin’ love you — SNAPPILY.
(Laughing so hard almost crying) You’re SOOOOO CUTE!!!
Oh my god. Anyway! I think I’ll need Botox.
No. You don’t. (Suddenly being serious)
YES. I DO!!! I THINK I WILL NEED IT SOME DAY….
Some day?
Yes! I think… I’m going to need it… by… mid- to late-40s.
(Shrugs shoulders, shaking his head)
Yes. I think I’m going to get Botox by then… will you still love me? Even when you can no longer boast about me being a “natural beauty” to your friends?
Is that what this is about?
No. And yes?!
Of course I’ll still love you, even if YOU want to get some Botox — it’s still my opinion that you DON’T NEED IT. But if you really, really wanted to get some for yourself… by mid- to late-40s… (Shrugs shoulders)…
Would you leave me for a younger woman “natural beauty” who didn’t have any botox?
NO… I will NOT…
(Big sigh)
Is that what you need to hear when you’re on your period?
(Bursts out crying) Yes…. that’s what I need to hear when I’m on my period and I’m going to burst out crying for no reason and you’re not allowed to run away from this because you’re supposed to love me the way I am even when I’m hormonal and being a bitch and being snappy and asking stupid questions testing your loyalty and love for me, okay?!?!?!!?!?!?
Do you need a hug?
(Nodding)
Do you want a… hot chocolate?
No!!! It’s Australian summer right now! I don’t want fuckin’ HOT CHOCOLATE!!!
Do you want some ice-cream?
Noooo!!! In Traditional Chinese Medicine, you’re not supposed to eat ICE CREAM when you’re on your PERIOD!
(Wide-eyed) Then what are you supposed to eat when you’re hot?!
Cooling foods, like mung beans…
Mung beans?!?!
Yes… you can cook a Mung Bean soup… and add a little bit of ice to it… for the summer… but it is a “cooling” food without being too “heaty” which is what you DON’T want when you’ve got your PERIOD… (Go fact check — this is just… colloquial knowledge)…
Is that what you usually have when you’re on your period?
No, actually, Mum usually makes me a Red Beans soup…
Red Beans?
Well, they’re called Adzuki beans in English, I guess? But the direct Chinese translation is “red beans” — anyway, it’s supposed to help “build blood” or something.
What else does you Mum add to the soup?
She adds… brown sugar… and dried orange peels…
And that’s the soup you drink when you’re on your period?
(Nodding)
So I need to get the recipe from your Mum — or Google — and be prepared every month to make you this soup when you’re bleeding.
(Nodding)… or mung beans, I don’t mind either. I think the red beans are better in winter and mung beans are better in summer for my body…
Okay, so I also need to find a recipe for the mung beans soup…
(Nodding) Yes… that would be good… and I need hugs. Lots and lots and lots of hugs.
Okayyyyyy~~~ (hug hug hug hug hug hug)
Virgo Sun Pisces Moon 