Was I a bet?! Was I a stupid bet?! Was I a stupid fucking bet?! — She’s All That — You’re Freddie Prince Jr?!?
No. You weren’t a bet. You were a dare.
All the boys wanted you. You’re everybody’s type. I was the new kid on the block. They sized me up. Egged me on. “Dare you to flirt with her and then break her heart.” Because I said that I don’t believe in love. I boasted that I never fall for anyone. I was unshakeable.
And?!
You melted me. I was shook. I was vulnerable. I still am. I’m still raw. All these years. It’s always been you.
The moment I saw you at the bookstore, I was fucked. When my brother said, “Come on, let’s go in.” — I couldn’t move.
“No. I want to watch her. I want to study her…” — I’m fucking mesmerized. I don’t know what to do.
I couldn’t breathe. I was so nervous. You took my breath away. I never lose my breath for anyone.
What?! I was just walking around a bookstore.
Yes… That’s all you did… And you don’t know that you’re beautiful.
Hmph. You are not Harry Styles, relax. LOL… Don’t quote One Direction lyrics. Find some other way to say it.
Always, all my life. Up until the moment I saw you. I always experienced ‘beauty’ as a form of ‘evil’ — the beautiful ones — they were mean. They were horrible. But you — Grace. Humility. Even if you had attitude — it wasn’t really attitude. Even if you felt like you were being rebellious — you were still innocent. I sensed all that in that moment, and the more I got to know you, the more I knew what I sensed was true.
And over the years, it’s just catapulted into a whole other stratosphere.
You — Grown Woman, you — FUCKING FABULOUS AND YOU HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA. YOU NEVER OWN IT!!!
(Even typing this now, feels really, really weird…)
EXACTLY!!!
You… are the personification of society’s beauty standards these days…
It’s a glamour team. It’s professional hair and fashion stylists. It’s a lot of industry fairy dust over my plain old body.
I just want the plain old body. I don’t want all that other stuff.
Okay…
Even if that six pack is contoured and you actually have a Millennial Dad Bod now… LOLOLOLOLOL…
(Cheeky grin)
So… what about all my “wandering”…?
I never blamed you. Always blaming myself. I’m the idiot. I fumbled this so bad. I was too young, even though I felt old at the time. Looking back now, I can console my younger self. It’s been enough time.
…
I believe you. I love you.
You’re not an idiot. I don’t like that word… to be used…
Okay then, I won’t use it. I was too young. I blame myself. Looking back now, I can console my younger self. It’s been enough time.
…
Tell me more about the me now. How do you see her?
Wow, well, where do I begin?
She’s psychic. She has psychic abilities. She’s a motherfucking PSYCHIC. That’s so fucking exciting!!! She’s like an X-Men. She’s Storm. She’s Slytherin. She’s a secret agent. A sleeper cell spy. A Doll from Doll House.
LOL… I’m not psychic…
You have psychic moments.
No… no… no…
(Raising one eyebrow)
No… (cheeky grin)
…
(Now it’s just getting x-rated…)
SHE’S FUNNY. You were the one who laughed at my jokes. Now I am laughing so hard at all your content, all your writing. You’re so FUCKING FUNNY!!!
And I need to laugh. I need real laughter. Not the fake laughter. I need real, out of my body belly laughs. And you trigger it. Just by being you. You’re FUNNY!!!
Okayyyy… calm down… LOL
I’m still mesmerized by your hair… Do you know how many white hairs half our friends have on their heads by this age?!
Oh, no… I do use hair serum… it’s not… as glossy as it used to be in my teens and twenties…
It’s the same. You haven’t even aged.
Yes… I have… (eyerolling)…
Only your glasses — is a difference — it’s like, Oh. This is a new Librarian. A sexxxxxy Librariannnnn… I’m so intriguedddddd.…
LOL STOP IT….
I love the way you hold your glasses. The way you sometimes adjust them. It’s so cute. I love it!!!
Sigh. Okay that’s enough for tonight…
Good night my baby. I love you.
I love you too.
Virgo Sun Pisces Moon 