Mum: “Who gave you that ring?
Me: “Nobody. I bought it at the markets.”
Mum: “Why are you wearing it on that finger?!”
Me: “It just happened to fit on that finger.”
Mum: “Oh… but don’t you think you have spoiled the finger?”
Me: “No…? It’s not even an engagement looking ring. It’s like a $2 ring from the markets, relax.”
Paper rings, some might even say…
But then it got awkward wearing it to work. People started asking questions, the rock was getting in the way of tasks…
Eventually I forgot why or how I had that ring in the first place.
This morning… LOL… Suddenly looking at my mantle. Why do I have this ring? Even an obelisk holder for it?!
…
It doesn’t look like anything that I would buy for myself. It looks like something someone would give me…
It’s nice… It’s me in a way that I wouldn’t buy it for myself but whoever gave it to me knew that I would like it…
What is it? Like 3 carats?
… Is it… I thought it was clear quartz?
Now I’m looking at it again…
It must be my imagination.
If it’s not clear quartz… 😐
No. Fucking. Way. I’m going insane… Delulu delulu…
It’s a clear quartz Etsy ring. LOL…
…
Anyway, so I won’t wear it at work…
I’m wearing it now as I’m typing.
I can wear it to class… I can do that for you.
Yes, I’ll have lots and lots and lots of guys in my cybersecurity classes. It is… male dominated…
I’ll wear the ring to class.
I’ll wear the ring on my days off.
I’ll wear it at home…
I just don’t want to wear it at work just yet… not at this stage… It’s a bit cray cray…
…
Rewinding the tapes… previous employer…
…
“Ooh? Are you ENGAGED?!”
“Haha! No… I just don’t want creepy guys talking to me.” — I mean, how crazy would it be to tell the Truth!?
Oh, yes, I am betrothed to a niche influencer… and I don’t know how long it’s going to take… LOL…
No… I don’t remember how I started forgetting…
I don’t even know if this memory is accurate. Maybe I did buy the ring for myself at the farmer’s markets.
…
I don’t even remember when… how?
When? How?
When? How?
When? How?
…
You said something like, “Wait for me… This ring is for you.”
“Like a promise ring? Not an engagement ring.”
“It’s an engagement ring.”
“No, it’s not!” LOL…
“Well what do you want for an engagement ring?”
“I don’t know, something that LOOKS LIKE an engagement ring?!”
“It IS an engagement ring!”
“No it’s NOT!!!!” LOL…
“Fine. It’s a promise ring. Will you promise me?”
“I don’t know… how is this fair?! You’re not going to be wearing an engagement ring.”
“I won’t wear it on that finger… But I’ll wear rings…. I might switch it up. But it’s always for us.”
…
Fucking hell. I don’t even know if I am now clinically insane.
This is all fiction. La-di-da.
…
More tape rewinds…
…
“So, you still have his scarf? And you still have his ring?”
“Oh yeah… I mean, I guess I could try to sell it on exboyfriendjewelry.com I just haven’t gotten around to it yet…”
…
Still haven’t gotten around to it yet. How did it come with me, through the move, to the new apartment, back to my parents’ place after the pandemic?
LOL… I don’t fucking know!
…
Looking at it, I still don’t think I can wear it at work.
I need something else. I need the real deal.
…
It’s sweet. It’s a sweet reminder of the younger man… in the early 2000’s…
But…
I don’t feel like this is what Mr Incognito would give me.
Now. 2024… 2025…
I kind of just feel like… Mr Incognito would do it right.
Maybe a marquise diamond? Maybe… since… Selena Gomez is an icon…
NOT a teardrop — no reminders of pain.
Marquise, I don’t mind that shape. It’s nice.
… Rose Gold…?
I don’t know, I’m not fussy about it at all.
Wellllll… there’s a few ideas on Pinterest. LOL
…
Brilliant Earth.
You know, I like Brilliant Earth. I don’t want Tiffany’s.
I’ve BEEN LOYAL to the DREAM of BRILLIANT EARTH ENGAGEMENT RING…
All… these… fucking years… LOL…
I like Brilliant Earth. It’s ethical.
Yes, I had posted on Facebook, many years ago, an image of a different ring — by Brilliant Earth — yes, I attached a different dream to that ring.
Yes… that was… delulu delulu…
It was the dream of an obligation… not a life of freedom.
It was just… brainwashed, thinking I was doing the right thing for me in those ambitions.
Not even brainwashed by my own parents, just the overall community… the culture… the attitudes… way back when.
I’m not a big part of any of that now… It wasn’t a cult. I was able to leave… so… there’s that, at least.
…
For some reason, I remember a ring conversation with a friend, too.
And I said the teardrop thing. I didn’t know what “marquise” meant at the time. I wasn’t well researched on diamonds. Even now… I don’t think I am?
I had thought “Platinum” was best?
… I don’t care about that now.
I’ve always liked rose gold.
…
If this rock isn’t clear quartz… and I just googled…
NO FUCKING WAY… rolling my eyes…
NO wayyyyyyyyyyyy….
It’s not possible…
…
I promise, I love you.
Virgo Sun Pisces Moon 