This song is so us. Holy Fuck. How does Taylor Swift know about my love life from so many years ago, word for word?!
Has she been stalking me this whole time?!
Is Taylor Swift lurking on my social media?! (LOL)
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I’ve literally been in that situation of joking to friends about you, “I’m pregnant with his baby” — them, wide-eyed and opened mouthed; me, “HAHA! Just kidding, no I’m not.”
Yeah, that was me back then…
I don’t think I would make those kinds of jokes now…
And what if I was?
What if this has been our unborn babies’ curses?
What if they resented us?
Wanted to teach us a lesson?
What if they felt their parents needed to be moulded?
They had a say in this?
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Trickster energies?
Cheeky unborn babies?
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Why did that friend, give me the book, “Women who run wild with the wolves” — and then turn into the most conservative, Christian housewife herself?
Were you behind that gift giving? I’m not sensing it. I think it’s been a coincidence.
I don’t know her journey. She tried to talk to me about Jesus, then I just got turned off. I slowly backed away from that friendship…
How could this woman who I once looked up to? Who I cherished that book like a Bible, “Women who run wild with the wolves” — it was my permission to find my freedoms within.
How could she, after many months, just do a 360 and want to be married in a Church, take her kids to Sunday school, and throw away all her university degrees? She got better marks than me. She was Honours. She could’ve done PhD.
Why did that happen to her? She’s never explained it properly. Maybe I couldn’t sit with her enough to ask.
I don’t want to judge. I just know that we are no longer in alignment, as friends.
I have other Christian friends — they know not to preach to me.
We can coexist respectfully.
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Buddhism can have its similarities… Buddhist organisations… Chinese Buddhists… Taiwanese Buddhists… and their little clubs and societies…
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You were never a part of the narratives I told any of the Buddhist friends… I don’t think? I’m not sure now, I can’t fully remember.
Maybe one or two close friends know, but you weren’t a part of the public speeches.
You didn’t exist.
I saved your face. Unknowingly. No details were shared.
In hindsight, that was a really lucky coincidence… imagine if I had blurted out so much more? What dots could people have connected by now?! (And there ARE Buddhist TV archives, you know!)
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It was a selective amnesia. It was a psychic block.
I wanted The Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.
I was very determined to experience that.
And I succeeded, momentarily, for a very long while.
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I don’t know what it is about our human brains.
But music shakes things up.
Music brings the memories back.
Maybe, it was also music that hid them in the back… musical mantras, spiritual chants and meditative practices.
Something about the grey matter? In our nervous systems? I don’t know… it was preached by some Kundalini yoga teacher…
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In my darkest moments, I need to ask you face to face, were you there? Was that you? Did you sense it? Did you pray? So that I could be lifted out of my own darkness? Because it worked…
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I went to see a psychologist. I had two sessions. I asked, “Am I autistic? Do I have Asperger’s?”
She said, “No. You need to be more assertive. You need to heal your inner child.”
She gave me some exercises…
I don’t feel the need for any more sessions. I’ve been good figuring this out in my own way, in my own time. The exercises did help, and sometimes I go back to them. So it was good for my toolbox.
Just two sessions. I could’ve claimed more… in Australia… there’s a certain criteria you have to reach to claim those sessions. Yes, at that time, the GP ticked those boxes.
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Would our friends have wanted that? No, of course not. I truly believe they had the best intentions. But they were young too. We all were.
Gosh.
Why do Millennials have to be so dramatic?!
I think it’s our generational Pluto in Scorpio or something like that.
Virgo Sun Pisces Moon 