Virgo Sun Pisces Moon

I’ve been a mother. I am now, a mother. A cat mother. A dog mother. That still counts, right?

My cat daughter… she lived 10 years… and the day she died was the most heart wrenching experience of my life.

Yes, I’m sorry, I can’t compare it to the days when we parted. It didn’t have that hold on me like that. Maybe because you promised that you would still love me no matter what. Maybe you spared me that pain. You cushioned my heart from the ache.

But when my tiny little fur baby died… oh, energetically I know she saved me.

And we’ll talk about that more one day, face to face…

I was on a weird trajectory, and when she died, she absorbed all that negative energy for me. She woke me up from whatever spells had been weaved. I had to re-assess a lot of things in my life. I had to remember more of me.

The pain is so real, though. Like a mother. Holding a baby in her arms, and losing that baby. I lived that experience. Even her little cries, so much like a human baby…

And the anxiety that I have now, for the geriatric fur-son.

He’s living beyond everybody’s expectations…!

He’s more than 100 years old!!! LOL… I think he’s like 170 in dog years?! (Yes, in the human calendar he is 17 years old)…

He’s an ancient canine being. And he’s still got such a LOUD BARK and daily zoomies.

… have I given him too many vitamins? Is he TOO HEALTHY? (LOL… jokes, no). He does have his health problems… but he is still around… (fingers crossed)…

So, I don’t know how to leave him. I can’t bear the thought of it.

If I can’t help him see through this last chapter of his life, how could I have that strength to be a good daughter to my own parents for their final chapters?

I can’t give up on a geriatric dog.

And I love him, like a mother. I feed him, like a mother. I take him to get groomed, to get his vet check-ups…

It’s more sporadic now but we do go for our little walks…

He’s usually pretty happy just chilling at home. Sometimes he likes to catch cockroaches… yes, there are some cockroaches… (I’m still figuring that out with the family, it’s a whole other discussion!)

He barks at birds. I’m not sure if he sees other entities…

I know the cat did. I know the cat was very spiritually protective.

I don’t feel the same kind of spiritual protection with dogs. I think dogs are more physical protection. Definitely he has a different bark if an intruder is on our property. It’s actually insane. Fucking popping off on a whole other alarmist level.

As he’s getting older though, his reactions do make me wonder if he is “seeing more” on another plain — spiritual entities, maybe? Aggravating him in some way?

But anyway.

I am a mother, now… And my fur-child will be going to sleep one day…