Virgo Sun Pisces Moon

You know this about me, I’m sure. It’s not even hard to find on LinkedIn. My profile is readily available to any potential future employer to see.

No, I did not see the recent campaigns before 1:30 am, 19th December 2024. It had nothing to do with my decisions and declarations thereof on Pinterest.

Yes, I’ve seen some previews now, this morning… it wouldn’t surprise me if it was an intern or ChatGPT that wrote the scripts. None of that surprises me now. Yes, I’ve been disillusioned — in a good way.

When I think about who are you are now, I hold onto these tiny moments of memories of seeing you in real life in 2024… That’s the person that I’ve based my decision on that I’m feeling, “Yeah. Okay. I’m yours.”

We don’t need anyone else to understand, because we understand. Our eyes already talked.

Even with sunglasses on, you got through… (in hindsight, with a smile)…

A part of me feels like, you could’ve just asked me out for a coffee date right then and there, I would’ve gone… I had nothing else going on. I was open to meeting a new, nice guy. A good man. And you did seem like that… The energy felt very nice. It was just that one line of self-doubt that came out of your mouth that you stopped that trajectory that day.

You walked away, and I thought… “Was that my Soul Mate?”

Oh well —

In that moment, what could I have done? You chose to walk away…

And another part of me now sees, that it’s been a whirlwind, but also, kind of necessary? Because I didn’t have the awareness that day. I didn’t know what I know today.

(I’m cackling) because I really had NO IDEA…!

You, Mr Incognito in all your disguises.

No, I will never tell you that I loved you the way that you were. Because, did you forget, that young man had a temper? He had his tantrums?

The violence scared me, yes.

However you wanted to frame it in your mind — call me toxic, gaslight me — whoever she was that triggered that. Yes, I know, she was young too. She was naïve.

So I don’t want the date of our anniversary to be reflective of those times. I don’t want to reminisce those moments of clouded judgement. And yes, I feel that it was clouded. It was clouded by youth, by pride, by an egotistical innocence. What arrogance, to have thought that we knew all that we knew.

Those two were really chaotic, did you forget?

Little firecrackers. Too much passion, not very wise.

…

I don’t want to tear your current world apart. I think it’s good for you. Healthy. It’s good to have a job to show up to. It’s good to have a team to be accountable towards. It’s good to share that load and create abundance and cash flow.

I’m not sure that you’ll ever stop. Jon Bon Jovi hasn’t stopped. I really don’t know and I don’t want to be a hindrance to that creativity. I don’t know how you’re going to juggle it, but you’re going to juggle it.

I know my words don’t have any impact, this is all fiction.

I know the life that I’m in now. I know I’m comfortable with my life. So how would we merge? I don’t think it’ll be all at once. It’s going to need to happen in phases. It makes more sense to allow time and unravelling to occur.

I am here. I am your nest.

But you do fly a lot… and you have many, many projects.

I’m used to it, it’s okay. Yes, I grew up with a Father who had to go away for “business” all the time… All the fucking time. It’s not something that would wound my inner child. My inner child is very numb, very used to this. It’s not surprising at all… LOL

It’s just so normalised.

I think I would honestly feel weird if I had a partner who was here… all.. the… TIME… because I didn’t grow up like that. It’s too “sticky” for me. (I’m shuddering)… space is not a bad thing to have. Time to miss each other, is inspiration for a tonne of creativity and daydreaming.

My heart pours this all out in words, in pictures, in songs, in whatever else I choose to create.

Muse of the Century. Muse of My Life.

I’m not the one to break your cold, cold heart. You’re the one responsible for doing that.

You did this to yourself, My Love.

I can say that I did and do love some moments of the ways that we were… some… pure moments… of course. That is always in my heart. That is what stirs up the tears now.

The love didn’t die young. It evolved… it’s maturing…

It is not erased completely and it can never be.

…

I don’t know what I believe anymore, in my Spirituality… I don’t know if I can spell it out. I am still contemplating some things…

Do I really mean the word “never” or is it in the context of this lifetime, at least?

Can we agree to love each other for the rest of this life? Yes.

Can we agree to love each other forever and ever?

… I’m cringing. I have a hard time with that. I really do…

The rest of this life, I can do.

I know… you love me more than I love you.

And I do love you.