Virgo Sun Pisces Moon

• King of Cups
• Page of Cups, reversed
• Four of Swords
• The Hierophant

I think that you are in a contemplative state of mind at the moment. You are reflecting on many things — some that I wouldn’t be able to know — no way to predict. Things that have nothing to do with me. Maybe it is your local area? News? Politics? Whatever it is. It has nothing to do with me. And it doesn’t need to involve me.

On the one hand, there are those types of mundane things.

On the other hand, you are starting to feel ready to approach this as a Wiser Man…

Oracle of the Mermaids

• The Selkie & Her Skin – reclaiming your authenticity
• Conchomancy – seashell divination, wisdom of shells
• Visions – psychic images, clairvoyance, seeing, out of body travel

There are so many parallel universes happening simultaneously in your third eye. Sometimes it can be hard to focus on one main vision to pursue in this life.

You’re playing out a choose-your-own-adventure game in your mind. “What if” and “Plan B” scenarios. Trying to brace yourself for every possibility, trying to know how to control the direction of your future.

There is a sadness, with some paths of thought…

There is much happiness, with others…

The one thing you haven’t thought about is that compromises are possible. It simply takes dialogue to reach. It takes time, it takes patience. You don’t leave the table of negotiation if a compromise is on the horizon. If we haven’t finished discussing this, then the decision has not yet been made. You can take a physical break from the discussion, but if it’s not finished, it’s not finished. Every other conversation is a brainstorm, some ideas, but not the final decisions.

…

I would love it if we came to the same conclusions: that it would be a blessing, and not a curse.

I can understand if you don’t yet see it that way…

From my perspective, it’s a blessing. It’s one of the greatest blessings. A minor miracle.

The greatest miracle is that we had ever met at all.

…

My fears: What if I rely on you, and then you abandon us?

I know I will survive. But that is always at the back of my mind…

I’m mentally stronger, now, than I was back then; it doesn’t mean I’m not vulnerable. It doesn’t mean I’m emotionally invincible. Quite the opposite, actually, I feel a lot more than I used to, and that is part of my new strength.

…

I believe that my parents would absolutely spoil, dote on and adore whatever grandchildren we produce. I know that it will soften them. I know that it will be healing for my side of the family.

I don’t even expect that reality. Biologically — it’s very unlikely to happen!

That’s why it would be a minor miracle. And that in itself would be… so many Buddhist blessings that my mother would emanate.

I know on my side, they would have a very reliable Aunty and Uncle. The Best of the Best. Decent people. Their childhood would be so grounded, so emotionally protected. Such healthy little avocadoes. Well-rounded and treasured.

…

My Side will want them to go to Chinese school on Sundays. It has always been our way. My Side has access to the private schools. It is a lineage. They will go. Mother-Daughter luncheons. Father-Daughter dances. (Oops, why did I just assume daughters?!)

A psychic once told me… two daughters, and possibly a son. I’m like, “Am I like 50 years old by then?!” It’s CRAZY.

None of this is based in reality. None of this is based in statistical likelihood.

It’s so far beyond… current realities… I feel like I am writing very frivolously right now.

…

What is the point?

The point is — if it doesn’t work out?

Then we probably wouldn’t have kids anyway. Your fear of a “curse” passed on, wouldn’t be happening.

I can share with you my period tracking apps, if that makes you feel more comfortable. Then you can decide what days are “safe” for you — according to your agenda. See? That’s a compromise.

I’m not that attached to the thought of having kids.

I’m not one of those people that will do anything — IVF, adoption, anything — just to have kids. I’m really not. I’m very relaxed, chill and easygoing about this issue.

Like, go with the flow. Whatever the Universe orchestrates. I’m not attached to a particular outcome in this aspect of life.

I can, however, see — my side of the family would cherish this as a blessing. My side of the family is ready to love, any children, with all their hearts. Full, unconditional love.

We’re not perfect, we have plenty of other flaws. But in this aspect — when it comes to the next generation, they will be… the dependable village.

…

Godparents?

I think you know who my best friend is.

I’m suspecting you are actually talking to her about me lately but I’m not confronting either of you about it right now… LOL

Yeap. She’ll be a good Godmother. Her boyfriend? (Shrugs shoulders)… I don’t know him that well either at this stage… not a big deal because this is so far beyond our current day to day realities right now… LOL

…

My family will… probably… teach them about money… from their perspectives. (It might not be accurate?!)

I didn’t even realise how much we talk about money at the dinner table until I got older and learned from other friends that not every family does that.

I don’t know if it’s a cultural thing…?!

But yeah, my family loves to talk about… what stocks are up, what stocks are down… real estate values… politics and economic decisions that affect those… whatever you call it.

Small business ideas are “lofty” — where are the long term, dependable investments?

Get that right, and you should be set for life.

…

We also talk about health a lot.

It’s… I don’t like it, but we do.

It makes my eyes roll… thank goodness my Sister-in-Law has the patience of a SAINT because me and my brother are already extremely sick of this shit.

… and that is, what it is.

We’ve heard the stories a thousand times. We’ve been there for the doctor’s appointments. “We” being me and my brother.

So… it’s nice when our spouses have the PATIENCE to LISTEN, and nod and smile, and continue those conversations… because we’re mentally exhausted. These stories… ugh!

And maybe it will be stories for the grandchildren. I don’t know why… if that would be a good thing?

It’s so boring to me… but that’s the “tolerating” part with me and my family.

I have to sit through their hospital and doctor’s appointments stories… blegh!

…

Anyway… (long rants of nothing)… to be continued…?

Might delete later 😐